#Granted I grew out of my Not Like Other Girls phase

[terukosnumberonefan]

I’m not normal about them lmao

[theostrophywife]

brother's bsf! mattheo who you've had a crush on for years.

but he's only ever seen you as theo's little sister (or so he says).

it doesn't matter that you and theo are only a year apart. your older brother is extremely protective of you and so are the rest of his friends — especially mattheo.

you grew up around the boys, which was a blessing and a curse in and of itself. on one hand, you grew super close to mattheo, but on the other hand, he's seen you through your awkward braces and pigtails phase.

lately though, brother's bsf! mattheo starts to notice you. really notice you.

suddenly, you didn't seem so little to him anymore.

but over the years, your infatuation with your brother's best friend calmed to attraction instead. you've come to accept that while mattheo would always be your first crush, that's all it would really ever amount to. a harmless little childhood crush.

thanks to theo, you hadn't gotten much of a chance to date when you were younger, but now that you were starting uni with the rest of the boys, you were determined to push those silly little feelings for mattheo away and start putting yourself out there.

granted, you had a lot to learn given your sheltered upbringing.

boys had taken a liking to you. why wouldn't they? you're pretty, you're smart, and you're the perfect combination of sweet and sassy, but you were also extremely naïve.

brother's bsf! mattheo had to protect you.

it was his responsibility.

theo trusted him to keep an eye on you. so he did.

・❥・ brother's bsf! mattheo glares at any boy that dares to look at you.

・❥・ brother's bsf! mattheo revs his motorcycle and comes in hot when he sees anyone talking to you, handing you the pink helmet he keeps on him at all times without a single word.

・❥・ brother's bsf! mattheo gives you rides to your dorm and takes you out for ice cream after a particularly hard exam.

it's clear that mattheo has a soft spot for you. no matter how vehemently he denies it.

until the night that everything changed.

it was a chilly friday evening when you happily skipped out of your dorm building, eager to attend your first frat party.

the cute boy in your history class asked you to come with him and you immediately said yes despite not knowing what to expect. it seemed fun and exciting and a little bit dangerous.

as luck would have it, you ran into none other than mattheo on your way out. his sleek black motorcycle was parked on the curb, smoke wafting from his lips as he took a lazy drag of his cigarette. leaning against his bike, mattheo raised a brow as you strutted onto the sidewalk.

"where do you think you're going, nott?"

"to a party, matty."

"with who?"

"a friend."

mattheo narrows his eyes at you. "I know all your friends and they're busy tonight. so which friend is it?"

you sigh in frustration. "just a friend from class. god, you sound like theo right now."

"you're not going anywhere wearing that."

"what's wrong with my dress?"

you smoothed down the front of your red minidress self-consciously, shying away from mattheo's intense gaze. his chocolate brown eyes scanned your body, the heat of his stare dragging along your skin.

"for starters, that dress barely covers anything and knowing you, you'll be cold within the first few minutes."

"I'll be fine, mattheo. I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself."

mattheo crosses his arms, huffing at your statement. "so you told theo where you're headed off to tonight?"

you shrugged. "what my brother doesn't know won't hurt him."

"yes, but he might hurt anyone stupid enough to ogle you in that dress. as will I. maybe I should tell him what his baby sister is up to. better yet, maybe I should come with you to this party, hm?"

"no please," you pleaded. "I just want one night where I'm not being treated like a little kid. can you give me that, matty? please?"

you flashed your best puppy dog eyes at him, knowing that he couldn't possibly resist when you asked so nicely.

mattheo considers it for a moment before sighing in defeat. "fine, princess. but text me when you get there and call me when you're home. don't even think about turning your location off or else I'll send a brigade after you."

"yes sir."

"good girl."

before brother's bsf! mattheo could think better of it, you kiss his cheek and promise to call him later that night.

brother's bsf! mattheo watches you strut away in your tight little dress with a soft smile on his face, fully knowing that you had him wrapped around your finger.

by the time you arrive at the party, it's in full swing. music is blaring, drinks are flowing, and the frat house is packed to the brim with people.

you send a quick text to mattheo to let him know you've arrived before spotting aiden.

clearly, your date was already a few drinks in. he greets you with a lingering hug before handing you a red cup. "cheers, y/n."

"cheers," you respond, clinking your cup against his and taking a generous swig. the liquor burns your throat and aiden chuckles as you try to hide your wincing.

still, it does the job.

you loosen up after a few sips. aiden introduces you to his friends and you smile politely, trying not to squirm out of his hold as he pulls you in by the waist.

it's fine, he's just keeping you close in such a packed crowd. he doesn't mean any harm by it.

at least that's what you told yourself.

until aiden tries to make a move on you in the middle of the dance floor. you already told him that you didn't want to dance, but he insisted.

you could smell the liquor on his breath as he grabbed your hips, moving them along to the rhythm of the song. you tried to put some distance between you, but aiden didn't seem deterred by it. in fact, his wandering hands slide down to your lower back until they're planted firmly on your ass. you attempted to pry them away, but he slurred "relax" into your ear before giving your ass a squeeze.

that was the tipping point for you.

with all your strength, you shoved aiden off while he cursed after you. the lights were blinding as you made your way through the crowd, fleeing to the bathroom.

you had brother's bsf! mattheo's number dialed before you even closed the door.

surprisingly, he picks up on the first ring.

"hi matty, are you — are you busy right now?"

"I'm with the boys. how'd the party go, princess?"

"um, I'm still here and I just really want to go home."

you hear shuffling on the other end. presumably mattheo finding somewhere more private to speak with you. "I thought your friend was your ride home?"

"well, aiden's drunk and he's been getting a little handsy the whole night so I don't really feel safe going home with him."

"what?" mattheo hisses. "you didn't tell me you were with a guy. I never would've let you go off alone with some random prick."

"please don't be mad, matty. I just wanted to have fun without worring about my brother hovering over my shoulder. don't tell theo, please. I'll — I'll figure it out. I'll find another ride."

"like hell you are! drop your location. the boys and I are coming."

"no, please. I don't want this to be a whole thing. if theo finds out, he'll never let me out of his sight again."

you could feel mattheo grappling with the situation. part of him wanted to tell his best mate, but all he truly cared about was getting to you as quickly as he could. after a few moments, he sighs. "fine, I won't tell your brother, but I'm still coming to get you. stay where you are, princess and don't hang up the phone. I'm on my way, okay?"

"you really don't have to —"

the argument dies in your throat when you hear the sound of mattheo's motorcycle starting up. he wasn't going to let you talk him out of this. mattheo was coming, whether you wanted him to or not.

"too late. be a good girl and stay on the line with me, sweetheart. I'm coming for you."

brother's bsf! mattheo pays no mind to the boys as they joke about him meeting up with a booty call.

the only thing that matters to him is getting to you.

brother's bsf! mattheo weaves through campus, revving and racing his motorcycle as fast as it can possibly go.

it's too noisy to talk while he rides, but he stays on the line anyways, listening through one earphone as you quietly hum to help calm yourself. mattheo smiles to himself. it's one of his favorite quirk of yours. half of the time, you don't even notice you're doing it. but he does. he notices everything about you.

mere minutes have passed since you first called him, but it feels like an eternity to mattheo when he finally pulls up to the decrepit frat house at the edge of campus.

mattheo parks his motorcycle on the curb, glaring at the prying eyes trained on him. it's not every day that the mattheo riddle, resident bad boy pulls up to a party looking like he's absolutely ready to kill someone with his bare hands.

he has half a mind to burst into the bloody house and pummel that stupid prick for daring to touch you, but the sight of you approaching stops him cold.

you look flustered and fearful, lower lip trembling as you spill out into the sidewalk. mattheo instantly sees red. he vows to make that motherfucker pay for this.

"where is he?"

"mattheo —"

"where. the. fuck. is. he?"

"probably somewhere inside drunk off his arse. I don't know and I don't care. can we please just go?"

despite his anger, you don't balk from him. in fact, you've got both hands pressed firmly against his chest to hold him back.

brother's bsf! mattheo grips your hips, your noses pressing together as he carefully inspects you. making sure you were alright is the only thing keeping him from committing violence.

"tell me where he is."

though mattheo's words are tinged with fury, his tone remains soft and sweet. his voice is nothing but a whisper because even at his angriest, mattheo would never raise his voice at you.

“give me a name, sweetheart. just give me his name."

"it's fine, matty. he's not worth the trouble."

“he left you alone, at a party where you don’t know anyone, got too drunk even though he knows he’s your ride home and got handsy with you even though you weren’t into it. give me one good reason why I shouldn’t fuck him up right now?”

“I can handle him later. can we please just go home? I'm tired and I just want to be in bed now.”

the cold air makes you shiver as you mentally curse yourself for picking such a skimpy outfit when hours ago you felt foolishly confident in your dress.

brother's bsf! mattheo softens when he sees you trembling. without a word, he takes off his jacket and drapes it over your shoulders. the scent of amber and cinnamon envelopes you all at once, lulling you into a calmer state.

"okay, princess. let me take you home."

once mattheo secures the baby pink helmet over your head, he tells you to hang on tight before taking off.

you hug his midsection, resting your chin on his shoulder as mattheo drives slow through the sprawling campus. the streets are empty, but he drags out the ride, wanting to spend as much time with you as possible.

at the strike of midnight, the two of you finally reach your dorm.

although you insist that you're fine, brother's bsf! mattheo walks you all the way up to your door.

the fluorescent lights flicker overhead as you shift your weight form one foot to the other, suddenly feeling shy.

"thanks for picking me up, matty."

"of course, y/n. you know I'd do anything if you're the one asking."

you smile, trying your hardest to hide the blush on your cheeks. "I hope I didn't ruin your night."

mattheo shrugs. "not at all. before you called, I was watching berkshire stuff marshmallows down his throat while the boys cheered him on. trust me, you weren't interrupting anything important."

"still. I appreciate you coming to my rescue and not ratting me out to my brother."

mattheo smiles. "it's our little secret, princess."

the double meaning of the words causes tension between you and the pull that you've always felt towards mattheo feels stronger than ever, tugging you closer.

maybe tonight is the night that you finally feel brave enough to fall.

"goodnight, matty."

brother's bsf! mattheo watches as you get on your tiptoes to kiss his cheek like you always do. except this time, you lean in for a proper kiss.

as soon as mattheo's lips touch yours, you feel your entire body erupt like fireworks. it's everything you imagined it to be and more. his lips are soft against yours, supple and inviting. the kiss takes him by surprise, but once he realizes what's happening, he groans into your mouth, the sound of it filled with need.

dazed and confused, you look up as mattheo pulls away, his big brown eyes scanning your face. "we shouldn't do this, princess."

despite his words, mattheo's hand rests itself on your hip, his thumb brushing gentle circles against your exposed skin. you gulp as he stares at you, your lips brushing, your bodies gravitating towards each other no matter how hard you try to fight the pull.

"is it because of my brother?"

"no," mattheo growls. "we shouldn't do this because I don't know if I'll be able to stop once we start."

"I don't want you to stop, mattheo."

as soon as the words leave your lips, mattheo is kissing you again, and this time, he isn't holding back. you cling onto his shirt as he kisses you hard, the force of it hitting you all at once. his fingers dig into your hips as you bend at the waist, desperately kissing back.

his head is reeling and his heart is pounding. mattheo is drowning in your taste, your touch, your smell. you're every drug rolled into one; seductive and sinful. he's addicted and he can't get enough.

brother's bsf! mattheo doesn't want to pull away. he wants to stay here and live in this moment forever, but he knows that if he does, he'll end up taking everything.

foreheads pressed together, mattheo leans in for one last kiss. this one is sweet and gentle, enough to satiate him for the moment.

"sleep tight, princess. I'll see you in the morning."

"see you in the morning, matty."

brother's bsf! mattheo can't help but take one last look at you, a soft smile on his face when he sees your flushed cheeks and kiss bitten lips.

in that moment, he knows he's fucked. you're his best mate's little sister. he shouldn't have kissed you. he shouldn't feel this way for you. he should've stopped before it was too late, but you were both way past that now.

now that he's had you, he won't want anything else. it's you he'll always crave. it's you he'll always long for. and he doesn't give a fuck what it takes to get you.

brother's bsf! mattheo won't stop until you're his and his alone. *✧･ﾟ:*

[loveanton]

everything i didn’t say | eunseok + sungchan

⟶ 𝑠𝑢𝑚𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑦: you’ve always been a constant in jung sungchan’s life, he never once imagined a world where you weren’t in his life and often took you for granted. never once realizing just how much you loved him until it was too late.

❥ 𝑝𝑎𝑖𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔: sungchan x f!reader x eunseok

❥ 𝑔𝑒𝑛𝑟𝑒: friends to almost lovers!au

❥ 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑑 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑡: 4.5k

⟶ 𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠: heartbreak, sungchan is a meanie and says hurtful things.

⏤ 𝑎/n: was listening to old 5sos and inspiration struck

You've always been in love with Sungchan. From the very first moment you met him in the school courtyard, when he handed you that crumpled homework sheet with a shy smile, you knew he was different. As the years passed, that initial spark only grew stronger, turning into a fierce flame that consumed you every time you saw him. It’s funny, really, how someone can become your entire world without them even realizing it. Every laugh you shared, every secret you whispered, every moment you spent together, it was like living in a dream. But dreams are fragile, and reality has a way of waking you up abruptly.

Sungchan was always a constant in your life, a steady presence that you could always count on. He never once imagined a world where you weren’t there, by his side, supporting him through thick and thin. You think he took it for granted, your unwavering loyalty and affection. Not that you ever blamed him. It’s easy to overlook what’s always there, right in front of you.

You both grew up together, navigating the tumultuous years of adolescence, laughing through your awkward phases, and holding each other up through heartbreaks and disappointments. Sungchan had a magnetic personality; he was charming, kind, and effortlessly popular. People were drawn to him, and he thrived on the attention, though he remained humble and grounded. You, on the other hand, were content to remain in the background, his ever-present shadow, silently cheering him on.

There were moments when you thought he might feel the same way, fleeting glances and lingering touches that set your heart racing. But they were always followed by casual comments about other girls, reminders that you were firmly placed in the friend zone. Still, you held onto hope, convinced that one day he would see you, truly see you, for who you were and how deeply you cared for him.

You wonder when that day will come.

“Sungchan, I really don’t want to go to this party,” you say, trying to keep the whine out of your voice as you hug a cushion to your chest. “I’d rather just stay home and watch anime.”

Sungchan pouts, leaning against your bedroom door. “Come on, it’s going to be fun! Everyone’s going to be there, and I don’t want to go without you.”

Eunseok, Sungchan’s roommate and your mutual friend, looks up from his phone with a smirk. “Dude, if she doesn’t want to go, don’t hound her. Let her have her anime night in peace.”

Sungchan shoots Eunseok a pleading look. “Eunseok, help me out here. You know how boring it’ll be without her.”

Eunseok shrugs, leaning back against the wall. “Why don’t you just go by yourself for once? You don’t need to drag her to every single party, man.”

You smile gratefully at Eunseok, appreciating his attempt to take the pressure off. “Thanks, Eunseok. Besides, you know I’m not really a party person.”

Sungchan sighs dramatically, running a hand through his hair. “Please? Just this one last time? I promise I won’t bug you about parties anymore if you come tonight.”

You glance at Eunseok, who raises an eyebrow and grins. “Fine,” you say, giving in. “But only if Eunseok goes too.”

Eunseok chuckles. “Alright, I guess I can sacrifice my night to keep you two company.”

Sungchan’s face lights up, and he pumps his fist in the air. “Yes! It’s going to be awesome, I promise!”

Later that night, the three of you meet up and head to the party together. As soon as you walk through the door, the noise and energy hit you like a wave. Sungchan, in his element, quickly spots some friends and ditches you and Eunseok without a second thought.

You expected this. Taking a deep breath, you turn to Eunseok. “Guess it’s just you and me, then.”

He nods, giving you a sympathetic smile. “Let’s find a quieter spot, yeah?”

You both navigate through the crowd, eventually finding a relatively peaceful corner where the music is a little less deafening. You sit down on a couch, and Eunseok joins you, leaning back and looking around with mild interest.

“So, what’s the deal with you and Sungchan?” he asks after a moment. “You’ve been friends forever, right?”

“Yeah, since middle school,” you reply, feeling a familiar pang in your chest. “He’s always been there for me.”

Eunseok nods, studying your face. “And you’re always there for him.”

You sigh, picking at a loose thread on the couch. “I guess.”

Eunseok’s eyes soften. “You like him, don’t you?”

Your heart skips a beat, and you glance at him, startled. “Is it that obvious?”

He shrugs, giving you a small, knowing smile. “I’m observant. And it’s not just me. Everyone who’s close to you can see it.”

You feel a flush creeping up your neck. “I’ve tried to keep it a secret.”

Eunseok shakes his head. “You’re not fooling anyone. And honestly, I don’t think Sungchan is as clueless as he pretends to be.”

You stiffen, your eyes narrowing. “What do you mean?”

Before Eunseok can answer, you spot Sungchan across the room, laughing with Yuri, the popular tennis captain. Your heart sinks as you watch them together, the easy way they interact, the chemistry that’s undeniable.

She’s beautiful, confident, and completely captivated by Sungchan. The way she looks at him, with an intensity that mirrors your own hidden feelings, sends a pang of jealousy through your chest. You try to shake it off, to remind yourself that Sungchan and you are just friends, that you have no claim over him. But it hurts, more than you want to admit.

Eunseok follows your gaze and sighs. “Why do you let him do this to you?”

You tear your eyes away from Sungchan and look at Eunseok, confused. “Do what?”

“Play with your feelings like this,” he says softly. “It’s like he knows exactly how you feel and he’s just stringing you along.”

You shake your head, feeling a surge of anger. “No, Sungchan isn’t like that. He’s not cruel.”

Eunseok holds up his hands in a placating gesture. “He brought you to a party knowing you hate them just to abandon you. You deserve better.”

Tears prick at the corners of your eyes, and you blink them away, not wanting to cry in front of Eunseok. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m just being stupid.”

“You’re not stupid,” Eunseok says firmly. “You have a big heart, and you care deeply. That’s not a bad thing. But you also need to take care of yourself.”

You look down, feeling a mixture of emotions swirling inside you. “I just...I keep hoping that he’ll see me. Really see me.”

Eunseok leans closer, his voice gentle. “And what if he never does? Are you going to keep waiting forever?”

You bite your lip, unable to answer. The thought of giving up on Sungchan is too painful to contemplate.

Eunseok sighs, placing a hand on yours. “You’re a wonderful person. Anyone would be lucky to have you in their life. Don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t appreciate that.”

You look up at him, grateful for his words even though they sting. “Thanks, Eunseok. I needed to hear that.”

He smiles, squeezing your shoulder reassuringly. “Anytime.”

The rest of the night passes in a blur. You stick close to Eunseok, finding comfort in his presence. He’s a good listener, and you find yourself opening up to him more than you expected. He shares stories about his own life, his ambitions, and his struggles, and you realize how little you actually knew about him before tonight.

As the night wears on, you watch Sungchan and Yuri grow closer, their conversation becoming more intimate, their touches more frequent. You felt like an outsider, a silent observer to the budding romance that was unfolding before your eyes. You knew then that you were losing him, that the dream you had cherished for so long was slipping away.

As the party winds down, you and Eunseok decide to leave. Sungchan is nowhere to be found, still presumably with Yuri. You walk back to your apartment with Eunseok, the cool night air helping to clear your mind.

When you reach your door, Eunseok turns to you with a serious expression. “Remember what I said. You deserve to be happy.”

You nod, feeling a warmth in your chest that wasn’t there before. “I will. Thanks, Eunseok.”

He smiles and gives you a small wave before heading to his own apartment. You watch him go, a sense of calm settling over you.

The next morning, you wake up to a series of text messages lighting up your phone. Blinking away the sleep, you scroll through the notifications. Eunseok’s message catches your eye first.

[eunseok]: Hey, just checking in. How are you feeling this morning?

A soft smile tugs at your lips, warmth spreading through your chest at his concern. You scroll down to find another message from Sungchan.

[sungchanie]: last night was wild! i think i met the love of my life lol.”

Your heart sinks. You feel a sharp pang of jealousy and sadness. Taking a deep breath, you compose yourself and respond to Sungchan’s message with a simple thumbs-up emoji. You then turn back to Eunseok’s message, grateful for his support.

[you]: morning eunseok. just found out that sungchan thinks yuri is the love of his life lol :p

His reply is almost immediate.

[eunseok]: I’m sorry to hear that. Would you like me to come over? I have ice cream and a Netflix subscription.

You giggle despite yourself, feeling a bit lighter.

[you]: yes please! cookie dough ice cream?

[eunseok]: You got it. Be there soon.

A short while later, there’s a knock on your door. You open it to find Eunseok standing there with a tub of cookie dough ice cream, two spoons and a warm smile.

“Hey,” he says softly, stepping inside. He doesn’t ask any questions, just pulls you into a hug and leads you to the couch.

“Hey,” you reply, feeling a little better already.

You both settle in, the ice cream tub between you. As the first romcom starts playing, you can’t help but feel grateful for Eunseok’s presence. He makes you laugh at all the right moments, and the pain of seeing Sungchan with Yuri begins to fade into the background.

By the time you’re halfway through the second movie, you find yourself cuddled up against Eunseok, his arm draped over your shoulders. The warmth and comfort you feel with him are undeniable, and for the first time in a long while, you feel a sense of peace.

However a series of knocks on the door soon interrupts your tranquility. Sighing, you disentangle yourself from Eunseok and head to answer it. Standing there is Sungchan, his usual bright smile on his face.

“Hey! You won’t believe how amazing Yuri is,” he starts, letting himself in. His excitement is palpable, but it quickly dims when he spots Eunseok on the couch, occupying what has always been his unspoken spot.

“What’s he doing here?” Sungchan asks, his eyes narrowing slightly.

Eunseok looks up casually. “Hanging out with ____”

You take a deep breath, summoning the strength you’ve been cultivating over the past few hours. “Sungchan, we’re busy right now. Can you come back later?”

Sungchan looks taken aback, surprise flickering across his face. He glances between you and Eunseok before nodding slowly. “Uh, sure. I’ll catch you later then.”

You watch him leave, closing the door gently behind him. Turning back to Eunseok, you feel a strange mixture of relief and anxiety.

“I’m proud of you,” Eunseok says softly, pulling you back into his arms. “I know that probably wasn’t easy.”

You blush, shrugging lightly. “It’s... getting easier.”

The next few weeks follow a similar pattern. You and Eunseok spend more time together, finding comfort in each other’s company. You gradually start to distance yourself from Sungchan, realizing that holding onto the hope of him seeing you differently only brings more pain.

Sometimes, the days that follow are a blur of pain and numbness. Sungchan calls and texts you, mostly about Yuri and you can’t bring yourself to respond. You need space, time to come to terms with the reality that he has found someone else, someone who isn’t you. You tell yourself that you should be happy for him, that his happiness is all that matters, but it’s a bitter pill to swallow.

One evening, as you're sitting in your room, trying to focus on studying, your phone lights up with a text message. It’s from Sungchan.

[sungchanie]: did i do something wrong?

Your heart sinks at the message. Despite everything, you still care deeply about him, and the thought of hurting him hurts you too. You stare at the screen, unsure of how to respond.

A few minutes later, another message comes through.

[sungchanie]: i hate the silent treatment y/n :(

You take a deep breath, your fingers hovering over the keyboard. As much as you don’t want to feel anything for him anymore, you can’t deny the rush of emotions that flood your chest.

[you]: “hey sungchan. you haven’t done anything wrong,,,just been swamped with classes and needed some time to myself

Almost immediately, your phone buzzes with another message from him.

[sungchanie]: can i come over? i miss hanging out with you

You hesitate for a moment, chewing on your bottom lip. Despite everything, you find yourself typing back.

[you]: sure

Not long after, there’s a knock on your door. You take a deep breath and open it to find Sungchan standing there with a sheepish smile.

“Hey,” he says softly, stepping inside. “I’ve missed you.”

You manage a small smile. “I’ve missed you too.”

He glances around your room. “Where’s Eunseok? I’m surprised he’s not attached to your hip.”

You chuckle nervously, feeling a pang of guilt. “He’s at a study group.”

Sungchan nods, taking a seat on your bed. “So, about Yuri...”

Your heart sinks, but you swallow the lump in your throat and force a smile. “Yeah, tell me about her.”

Sungchan launches into how he and Yuri have been on a few dates, how he thinks he’s going to ask her out officially soon. You listen, nodding along and trying to push down the ache in your chest.

“That’s great, Sungchan,” you manage to say, forcing cheerfulness into your tone. “I’m really happy for you.”

Just then, your phone buzzes with a text message from Eunseok.

[eunseok]: Hey! Would you like to join me and some friends for a game night tonight?

You smile at the invitation and text back quickly.

[you]: sure! i’ll be there ^-^

Sungchan glances at your phone curiously. “Who’s that?”

You hesitate, then decide to be honest. “It’s Eunseok. He invited me to join him for a game night with his friends.”

Sungchan’s expression shifts slightly, a flicker of jealousy crossing his face. “Oh. Are you guys... dating?”

Your heart skips a beat at the question, and you falter for a moment. “Um, no, we’re just friends.”

But Sungchan doesn’t seem satisfied with your answer. His brows furrow, and he leans forward, his voice tinged with frustration. “It’s just... you two seem really close. It almost feels like he’s replacing me.”

You feel a surge of frustration and hurt. “Sungchan, he’s just being a good friend. No one could ever replace you.”

He shakes his head, his frustration boiling over. “Do you even realize what you’re doing? You’re letting Eunseok get in between us!”

Your eyes widen in shock. “What are you talking about? There’s nothing going on between me and Eunseok. He’s just my friend.”

Sungchan stands up, his voice rising. “I’ve known you for so long, and now suddenly Eunseok is always around. It’s like I don’t even matter anymore!”

You stand up too, your own anger bubbling. “That’s not fair, Sungchan! You’ve been spending all your time with Yuri, and I needed someone to talk to. Eunseok has been there for me when you weren’t.”

He scoffs, shaking his head. “You don’t get it, do you? You’ve replaced me with him. Every time I turn around, he’s there. And it feels like you don’t even care.”

Tears prick at your eyes as you try to defend yourself. “I do care! But you’re the one who’s been distant. You’re the one who found someone else.”

Sungchan’s eyes flash with hurt and anger. “Maybe I did, but that doesn’t mean you had to replace me so easily.”

You shake your head, feeling the weight of his words. “You’re being unfair, Sungchan. Eunseok is just a good friend. You’re the one who’s been pushing me away.”

His face hardens, and he takes a step back. “Maybe I needed to, because it hurts too much to see you with him.”

You’re stunned into silence, the weight of his confession hanging in the air. Before you can say anything, he turns on his heel and storms out of your room, slamming the door behind him.

You collapse onto your bed, tears streaming down your face. The argument replays in your mind, each word cutting deeper than the last. You can’t shake the feeling of loss and confusion, wondering how things went so wrong.

Despite your pain, you decide to suck it up and go to the game night. You text Eunseok, letting him know you’re on your way. When you arrive, his friends greet you warmly, their cheerful banter and infectious energy immediately starting to lift your spirits.

Eunseok’s friends, Beomgyu, Anton, Karina, Yujin and Jake, quickly draw you into their circle. They’re a lively bunch, and it’s impossible not to be swept up in their enthusiasm.

“Alright, who’s ready for a game of spoons?” Beomgyu announces, waggling his eyebrows mischievously.

“You’re not planning to cheat again, are you, Beomgyu?” Yujin teases, raising an eyebrow.

He gasps dramatically. “Me? Cheat? Never!” But there’s a twinkle in his eye that suggests otherwise.

Anton and Jake’s dynamic is particularly amusing. Anton is calm and methodical, while Jake is a bundle of energy, constantly in motion. They bicker and banter like an old married couple, which keeps you entertained and helps take your mind off Sungchan.

As the game progresses, you can’t help but notice Beomgyu’s suspiciously fast reflexes. Every time a spoon is up for grabs, he somehow always manages to snatch it first.

“I’m onto you, Beomgyu,” you say with a mock-serious tone after he wins yet another round. “You’re definitely cheating.”

He laughs, holding up his hands in mock surrender. “I’m just that good, I swear!”

Eunseok, sitting next to you, chuckles. “Don’t let him fool you, ____. Beomgyu’s a known cheater.”

You laugh along, feeling more relaxed than you have all evening but Eunseok’s keen eyes don’t miss the occasional flickers of sadness that cross your face. After you both lose a particularly intense round of spoons, he stands up and offers you a hand.

“Help me with snacks in the kitchen?” he asks gently.

You nod and follow him, grateful for the brief escape. In the kitchen, Eunseok begins prepping more snacks, occasionally feeding you bits of fruit or cheese.

“Are you okay?” he asks softly, his concern evident.

You sigh, leaning against the counter. “Sungchan and I got into an argument before I came over.”

Eunseok pauses, looking at you intently. “What was it about?”

You hesitate, then spill the details about Sungchan feeling replaced by Eunseok and how hurt and jealous he seemed. Eunseok’s expression darkens.

“He said that it hurt too much to see us together.”

“That’s manipulative,” he says bluntly.

You shake your head, feeling a rush of defensiveness. “He’s just hurt, Eunseok.”

“He knows what he’s doing, ____,” Eunseok counters. “Why would he say that it hurts to see us together if he doesn’t have feelings for you? He’s just stringing you along.”

You don’t know what to say, the truth of his words sinking in but conflicting with your loyalty to Sungchan. The emotions swirling inside you become too much to handle.

“I think I should go home,” you finally say, your voice small.

Eunseok’s face falls. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin your night.”

“It’s not you,” you reassure him, managing a weak smile. “It’s just hitting me how messed up this situation is.”

He sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Let me walk you home.”

You shake your head. “No, you should stay with your friends. I’ll be fine.”

Reluctantly, Eunseok nods. “Alright, but text me when you get home, okay?”

“I will,” you promise.

As you make your way home, your mind races with thoughts of the evening’s events. You replay Eunseok’s words over and over, feeling a mixture of frustration, sadness, and an unexpected hint of clarity.

When you finally arrive home, you text Eunseok as promised.

[you]: i’m home. thanks for tonight

[eunseok]: Anytime. I'm here if you need to talk.

You appreciate his unwavering support but feel a heavy weight pressing on your chest. You sit on your bed, staring at your phone, wondering how you ended up in this tangled web of emotions.

The next week is a blur of classes and studying. You try to avoid thinking about Sungchan and focus on your schoolwork, but it’s a losing battle. His absence is a constant ache, a reminder of the distance growing between you.

Tonight, you find yourself standing in front of his apartment, your heart pounding in your chest. You don’t know what you hope to achieve, but you know you can’t keep pretending that everything is okay. You need closure, one way or another.

Before you can even knock, the door swings open and Sungchan stands there, surprise flashing across his face when he sees you. “____, what are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk,” you say, trying to keep your voice steady.

Just then, Yuri pops out from behind Sungchan, wrapping her arms around his waist and planting a kiss on his lips. Your heart clenches as you watch them, but you force yourself to stay composed.

After a moment, Yuri finally pulls away. “I’ll see you later, Sungchan,” she says, giving him one last peck and you a smug grin before leaving.

Once she’s gone, Sungchan lets you in, making a snarky comment as he closes the door. “Where’s Eunseok? I thought he’d be glued to your side.”

You stay calm and reply, “I didn’t come to fight with you, Sungchan. I just want to clear the air.”

He nods, crossing his arms. “So, are you ready to apologize?”

You’re taken aback. “Apologize for what?”

“For being a bad friend recently,” he says, standing his ground.

Anger rises within you. “No, Sungchan. You’ve been a bad friend. You blew me off at the party after begging me to go. Then here comes Yuri, and now you’re completely pussy whipped.”

He scoffs, rolling his eyes. “Don’t tell me you’re jealous of Yuri. I thought you’d be over your little high school crush by now.”

The words hit you like a punch to the gut. “What?”

Sungchan stares at you blankly and you feel anger coursing through your veins as you realize he’s known all this time. He knew just how much you love and care for him and he took it selfishly, knowing just what to say to keep you by his side. He only ever gave you just enough to string you along and give you false hope. Eunseok was right.

“How could you be so... so cruel? All this time you knew I liked you but led me on and kept me around for your own satisfaction. How could you do that? We’re supposed to be best friends.”

“Exactly,” he snaps back. “Best friends. So stop thinking we’ll ever be more. It weirds me out.”

The argument escalates, voices rising with each exchange.

“You knew,” you say, tears welling up in your eyes. “You knew how I felt and you still... How could you do that?”

“I didn’t have feelings for you then, and I still don’t now,” Sungchan retorts, his face twisted in anger. “You need to move on.”

“How could you be so heartless?” you cry out, the pain evident in your voice. “You used me. You knew how much I cared and you used me.”

Sungchan’s expression softens for a moment, guilt flickering in his eyes, but it quickly hardens again. “I didn’t use you. I thought you were over it. I thought we were just friends.”

You shake your head, tears streaming down your face. “Go screw yourself, Sungchan.”

You turn towards the door, ready to leave, but before you can open it, Eunseok lets himself in. He sees your tears and Sungchan’s guilty expression, his own face hardening with anger.

“What the hell is going on here?” Eunseok demands, glaring at Sungchan before turning his attention to you. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

He grabs your hand and leads you away, his grip firm but gentle. You don’t resist, too overwhelmed by the confrontation to do anything but follow him. He takes you to a nearby boba shop and finds a quiet corner for the two of you. After placing your orders, he brings your drink and sits beside you, offering silent support.

For a while, you both sip your drinks in silence. Then, Eunseok starts talking about his economics midterm, detailing how tough it was and how he’s sure he failed. You appreciate his attempt to distract you and let him continue, feeling a small sense of normalcy returning.

Once he’s done venting about his exam, you take a deep breath and softly say, “Thank you.”

He smiles gently. “You never have to thank me. I’m here for you, always.”

He looks at you with gentle concern. “Do you want to talk about it?”

You play with the straw of your drink, gathering your thoughts. “We had a huge fight. Sungchan said some really hurtful things… things I didn’t expect him to say.”

Eunseok’s face darkens. “What did he say?”

You recount the argument, detailing how Sungchan accused you of being a bad friend and dismissed your feelings as a mere high school crush. By the time you’re done, Eunseok is seething with anger on your behalf.

“He’s an immature prick,” he snaps, his eyes flashing with anger. “How could he say those things to you? After everything you’ve done for him?”

“I don’t know,” you whisper, tears welling up again. “I thought he was my best friend.”

Eunseok takes your hand in his, squeezing it reassuringly. “You deserve so much better, ____. Don’t let him make you feel like you’re in the wrong. You’ve been an amazing friend to him, and he doesn’t appreciate it.”

His words are like a balm to your wounded heart, and you manage a small smile. “Thank you, Eunseok. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

He smiles back, his anger slowly dissipating. “You’ll never have to find out. I’m here for you, always.”

The two of you sit in comfortable silence for a while, sipping your drinks and finding solace in each other’s presence.

[soullessdianthus]

Could we get some pervy soap or ghost 👀👀

You got me hooked on pervy Konig 🥵

A/N: Your wish has been granted. (≖⌣≖)

Warnings: cocky, playboy MacTavish who is possessive af (he has no shame), nsfw (choking?, ass slapping, exhibitionism, shower sex, masturbation, creampie, rough sex as punishment)

My requests are open for I don’t know how long (as I have a lot of work lately)! ٩(^ᗜ^)و Just please read the disclaimer (pinned post)! Send requests HERE ✉︎

✧°. John was a pretty popular guy in his school years. And he knew he was quite handsome too, so he never really complained about the lack of girl’s attention. Things got a little different when he enrolled in the British military. 

✧°. As he reached his twenties, Johnny wasn’t satisfied with teasing all these other recruits in a hall or a canteen. Especially, because it rarely ended with sex, almost never. He was a busy man with loads of obligations around the base. It could be certainly said that he changed a little and grew out of the playboy phase. 

✧°. For a while at least.

✧°. But the lack of previously mentioned intimacy almost drove him nuts. Perv!Soap was a simple man, he just needed to blow off some steam, you know?

✧°. Then one lucky day, a group of new recruits came into the training grounds and you certainly got his attention. A pretty thing that smiled to him as you walked by Sergeant MacTavish. 

✧°. Johnny felt like his veins were flooding with testosterone again, the mere sight of your curves, made his cock throb. None of the other women soldiers intrigued him so much. it had to be that innocent smile of yours.

✧°. So naturally, Perv!Soap offered you a little tour around the base, while keeping his hand on your lower back. He was just trying to be nice and give you a warm welcome, right? He seemed like a spark of joy!

✧°. He would find himself daydreaming about you, about what position he would put you in or what would he do to pull the sweetest screams out of your tight throat. 

✧°. His imagination was wild – you were just sweeping the dust to the tray while kneeling? John already was imagining you on your knees in front of him, begging for his cock, drool dripping from the corners of your mouth. 

✧°. Perv!Soap would be a bold type of man, whose intentions were crystal clear. He wanted to mark you as his as soon as possible. MacTavish couldn't bear the thought of other men laying their disgusting hands on you. He had to claim you first.

✧°. The perfect opportunity happened, when you came into the gym for a sparring session. Of course your good friend was there to train with you! Johnny invited you into a ring, before giving some advice. 

✧°. Being bigger and stronger than you, Soap made you stumble and fall more times than a fingers hand has. Yet, you kept standing up, willing to continue the sparring session. Perv!Soap enjoyed each minute he had your body within his firm grip, your front or back rubbing against him. It really riled him up.

✧°. So when he had you on the ground, laying atop of him and between his thighs in a tight chokehold, Johnny threw a couple of inappropriate jokes towards his friends who were watching the ring. They laughed and you tried to wiggle away once again.

✧°. “Hope yer gonna keep the spirit, bonnie. I like ‘em feisty.” He whispered into your ear, when your throat was being suffocated with his bicep. You struggled again, letting out a whine and a huff. Such an innocent sound, however it got John’s cock almost hard. You felt it digging into your lower back. 

✧°. Perv!Soap would make clear that you already belong to him. If some unfortunate soul dared to look at you in the wrong way, MacTavish would pin them to the wall and threaten them. Or, in a worse case scenario, he would just punch the wretch’s jaw or nose. Hard. 

✧°. Furthermore, when crossing him in the hallway, Soap wouldn’t bother with decency. If he had a desire to smack your plump ass, he wouldn’t hesitate. John would smile to himself, if he managed to pull a loud gasp out of you, when his strong palm struck your bum.

✧°. Perv!Soap’s confidence would only boost if he ever made you flustered. Which was often. With previously mentioned slaps or dirty words whispered into your ear. 

✧°. “Oh, bonnie. Let me fuck yer pretty tits, eh?”

✧°. “Good lass, learnin’ fast, aren’t we? Got me wonderin’, what else can I teach ya?” 

✧°. When it came to drinking outside the base, after a successful mission let’s say, Soap would rather sooner than later pull you into his lap. His thighs were more comfortable than a cheap chair and this way he could watch over you. 

✧°. Because he was a good friend and didn’t want anybody to throw a pill into your drink, right? Johnny called it a “scary dog privilege” when you sat at his thighs. But to be honest, for him it was a power move. Everyone else from your group acknowledged how protective Soap was over his girl.

✧°. Perv!Soap would sneak into your shower cabin and shush your loud gasp, before anyone could hear. He placed his big palm against your lower jaw and placed a finger over his lips. You were so cute, when you tried to cover your modesty, even now when both of you were completely naked. 

✧°. “Ya gotta help me, bonnie. I’ve got a problem.” John said to you, pointing at his painfully hard cock. Your face turned bright red.

✧°. “Now? Someone might hear us!” You yelled at him, keeping the whispering tone. Slowly your hand that was covering your breasts, loosened up and rested at the side of your body. Fuck it, he already seen enough. 

✧°. “Sh, sh, sh. Don’t ya worry, I’ll be quiet, eh?” 

✧°. Petrified or willingly, you allowed him to guide your smaller hand over his throbbing length. Soap stood close to you, his chest brushing against your perky nipples as the stream of warm water ran down your curves and his toned muscles. 

✧°. Perv!Soap showed you how to stroke him and where to squeeze him. As he predicted you were in fact a fast learner. Quickly you understood how he wanted to receive a handjob and you complied, encouraged by his hand sneaking to the side of your face. The other one was playing with your nipples. 

✧°. Sergeant was breathing heavily, huffing into your face just below his. He was getting closer, faster than ever before. You made him this soft, it was your hand that drove him into sweet like honey delirium. 

✧°. When he came, his cum spurted onto your palm and some landed on your stomach. Soap moaned, holding onto the shower stall on his left. 

✧°. However, the warm and thick liquid was washed away by the trickle of water. 

✧°. “That’s a good girl.” Johnny would be so cute and sweet on you, when you did whatever he asked you to.

✧°. But when you misbehaved or even unwittingly flirted with another soldier, Perv!Soap would be rather rough and tough with you, shoving you into the closest, empty storage in the base.

✧°. Johnny would push your face against the wall, tightly gripping your wrists behind your back. He didn’t care when you scowled and whined at him. Soap kicked your feet further apart, before he started to grind against your ass. 

✧°. “You belong to me, remember? Only I can fuck your tight cunny, lass.” 

✧°. Perv!Soap didn’t care that you mumbled out an apology, he wanted to make a point here – to show you were his little fucktoy. 

✧°. So he pushed his way between your puffy folds without any preparations, John knew you would take him anyways. He wasn’t so sweet and gentle about the intercourse, not at all.

✧°. Soap set a fast and rough pace that made each of his powerful thrust borderline painful. Balancing between the soreness and pleasure. One of his hands kept your wrists restrained, while the other hand grabbed a fist full of your hair, forcing you to arch your back for him.

✧°. Your slightly suppressed moans and whines were music to his ears, only encouraging him to keep thrusting into your tight cunt.

✧°. And just before his actions made you and him orgasm, he pulled out of you and nestled his cock between your puffy folds. Ropes of thick cum covered your pussy and instantly began dripping onto your underwear.

✧°. Perv!Soap would pull your panties back up to their place, clinging tightly against your wet sex. Somehow you were conflicted and couldn’t decide if you were disgusted by the feeling of his semen smearing across your labia or were you aroused. 

✧°. “Go on, now.” Johnny told you, slapping your clothed ass in a gentler manner. 

✧°. “But–”

✧°. “If any bastard would try to sneak their hand into your panties, they’ll know, who this cunny belongs to, yes? I marked it.”

[heejayy]

What is love?

Warning: none

Genre: fluff

Pairing: Anton x reader

Love. It was something you had been infatuated with since you were a child, ever since you saw your first romantic film. You were obsessed from then on, and as the years passed, you grew up wondering who you would fall in love with. What would they look like? What would they smell like? Would they think you were beautiful? Will it stay forever, as in fairy tales? You couldn't wait to grow up because you were so excited and ready for love. But, while you did so, you noticed people claiming to be in love and seeing them stab each other in the back, repeatedly shattering each other's hearts.

Is that what love is? Hurting each other?

Maybe love doesn't look as it does in movies. But you'd never know because you're in your late teens and haven't fallen yet. You desired for that adolescent love phase that everyone went through, something you'd remember for years to come. When will it happen? That question kept you awake at night as you watched romantic movies and shows and watched these characters fall in love. Maybe you weren't pretty enough, didn't get out enough, or were never destined to love or be loved. Perhaps this love thing was a hoax.

"So when are you getting a boyfriend?" That was a question you'd heard far too often for your comfort. You tried everything, changing your appearance, acting like the girls who got all the attention, even dating apps, but nothing worked. Even if you did get some attention, it wasn't the kind you were looking for; they wanted sex, while you wanted a relationship. Is that too much to ask?

As a result, you gave up. You were still a virgin in your twenties, had never had your first kiss, and had never been in a relationship. You had grown accustomed to being alone by this point, which was unfortunate. After seeing your friends get dumped and cheated on, you might have gotten lucky. But your heart yearned for someone to adore. Until you met him, that is. He was compassionate, soft-spoken, and considerate to those around him. You never expected someone like that to fall in love with you, yet he did. When he confessed to you, you didn't believe him at first and laughed in his face, believing it was a joke.

“You? You like me?” You let out a snort, “Anton please stop joking around.”

His timid smile had faded into a deep frown, and his puzzled eyes examined your face for an explanation. He assumed you liked him back, but he could be mistaken.

“I’m serious y/n, I like you.” You stood there dumb founded realizing he wasn’t joking.

Anton soon became your first boyfriend, and you quickly began to feel that feeling that everyone talked about, the feeling that you believed you'd never feel, the feeling that you felt was a lie. You fell hard and fast in love. Your heart would swell with excitement every time you thought of him, and a silly smile would appear across your lips. But you didn't mind since you were in love, and it had come as a complete surprise.

That's when you understood you can't rush a feeling, especially one as powerful as love.

You were certain he felt the same way because every time you looked at each other, his eyes twinkled and his ears turned the brightest shade of red. He'd grasp your hand and never want to let go, leaving soft kisses on your knuckles telling you how beautiful you were and how he never wanted you to leave his side.

Now, love wasn't easy, and it wasn't all rainbows and sunshine as the movies depicted, but they got one thing right, you would do anything for the one you were in love with. You were a fool in love because love made you a fool.

“I love you y/n” he smiled leaving a kiss on your forehead.

“I love you more Anton.”

©heejayy 2023 — any reposts or translations of my works are strictly prohibited unless granted permission

[leastdatablebracket]

QUARTER FINALS, MATCH 3

Propaganda under the cut! (tw rape)

Laito Sakamaki

Propaganda

I really could've picked any of the boys from that series really but this dude literally keeps referring to the MC as little bitch. Also, asshole wears a fedora. The fact he made the most datable poll astounds me

He's not a nice man with Yui (the protagonist) and even do some deplorable things with her when she SAYS she doesn't want to. He has a sobbing backstory and uses that to do whatever he wants. He should go to a psychiatrist. In jail.

He is a rapist! In both the anime and the games, he sexually harasses Yui. I can't remember if it was more explicit in the games, but there was a cutaway scene in the church Yui grew up in where he forces himself on her. Like the other vampire brothers, he enjoys causing her pain and suffering, and he particularly likes playing mind games with her along with his usual shit. Canonically, Yui is just the last girl in a very, very long line of "sacrificial brides" who the brothers all ended up killing in one way or another. Laito may look and act like a teenager, but he's an immortal vampire and he knows what he's doing.

This man repeatedly assaults the protagonist (Yui) because he wants to "taint" her. At first he only strips her and touches her only laughing when she says no because "well what a perverted woman, why aren't you being honest with yourself" and it's implied that he rapes her. There's a scene where Yui contemplate suicide (keep in mind she's religious and try to keep her faith even while abused so it's a big deal) because she can't take it anymore, and then Laito shows up in her bath and makes her harm herself. He humiliates her in public. He's just horrible. His excuse is that his mother abused him and he convinced himself he liked it and he loved her. At the end of his route Yui is totally broken in my opinion, convinced she is tainted now and losing her faith in god. Granted he isn't the worst of his brothers but this man is definitely undatable. While he softens in later games, this man is horrible.

Peter King

Propaganda

Oh I could go ON AND ON but here’s a list: He’s a stalker, he showed up late to a date HE REQUESTED, he killed either your landlord, roommate, or coworker (depending on route) and stuck them in a freezer, lied to the police about it, followed by a car ride either consisting of traumadumping about his family (valid tbh) or him talking about how much he wants to fuck your brains out, then you finding a bloody knife in his glove compartment, asking about it, and him smashing your head into the window to shut you up while he takes you to his house. He is The Worse Datable, as well as The Only Datable because well…he killed the others…and kidnapped you….

FUCK THIS DUDE!!! Country Human looking-ass bitch, I want him dead and obliterated

Many violence, Yandere behavior, cut your leg off in a semi-canon series of illustrations, smashed your head into the passenger side window of his creepy van, chloroformed you in your own house, brought you flowers that were probably tainted with his own blood, given context from another route. Generally a terrible person. Also just very strange to look at :/

He knows what he did….😒

He broke into Y/N’s house and chloroformed them. Generally a really creepy and perverted guy. TK is better :/

Send that man to Worst Datable Hell! Put him in the trash file (he’s a pseudo-sentient AI, similar to Monika, so this threat is valid)! He sometimes looks like a kicked puppy when talking to you, but with your small contributions, we can make him look even more like a kicked puppy! Vote Peter King for Worst Datable Datable Character today! Bonus: Funny canon facts about him! - He can’t swim - He’s allergic to peanuts - He has to wear glasses, but usually wears contacts - He had an emo/goth phase in high school - He’s a YouTuber; he does product reviews - He has very strong mother issues (understandably) - He will respond to and greatly enjoy the nickname “Cockbite” (there are many other names he enjoys, but this one’s the funniest to me)

[khodorkovskaya]

15.06.23

so today was eventful and uneventful at the same time. i had my lesson with lucien this morning, then went to the library, then there was the q&a session with the differential geometry assistant, then i went back to the library. so i was quite productive but it didn't really feel like it.

i started watching the new video lauren southern put out about her divorce. and likeee. she's so cringe idk. youtube's been forcing tradwife content on me lately. like i think it started with me watching fashion shorts, then i started getting a bunch of those like "dark femininity" and "old money aesthetic" videos and now it's straight up "here's how i became a traditional wife". like im so glad im not an impressionable teenager anymore. because imagine. like back in the day we had our fair share of brain rotting anti-sjw content but nowadays it's even worse.

but anyway, back to lauren southern. she's so stupid! like idk if it's her neurodivergency or what. and i want to be empathetic. but like. the decisions she's made and still makes like. girlie.

it's funny bc i skimmed thru a video essay the other day about like tumblr culture and microlabels and mogai and stuff like that. and it wasn't a super interesting video bc being on tumblr you kind of absorb all of this information against your will lol. but the person was saying that basically a lot of neurodivergent teenage girls found those microlabels and various neo gender identities comforting. because a lot of neurodivergent people feel the need to like organise everything into categories and assort and classify everything in their brains. and when the video essay author said that i was like oof i feel that so deeply. like my whole personality basically consists of lists and categories i feel very strongly about for no logical reason. everything i like or identify as has to be sorted and classified into "favourites" and "hate lists" and different levels and ranks and stuff. so i do think that if i grew up even more chronically online than i did, i could've definitely been some kind of surrealgenderkin neopronouns weirdo.

and i was thinking about that and how growing up with this kind of weirdly wired brain was very strange. because i could never like something in moderation, no, i always had to be obsessed. and i couldn't just be obsessed, there were always some kind of rules i had to follow. i had to classify my obsession, study it deeply and behave accordingly. i had to absorb it all and become my obsession.

and the funny thing about this, is that no matter how consumed id always felt by my obsessions, it was all very surface level. it felt like trying on an intricately made beautifully detailed costume, but a costume nevertheless. like when i went thru that lizzy-grant-i-like-older-men phase, it was never about actually liking older men or actually being attracted to them or actually believing that it was natural to be attracted to older men, or whatever bullshit i would say. it was about being consumed by the aesthetic of it, all while convincing myself that if i pretend and fit in hard enough into the cage i had once again forced upon myself, this lifestyle will finally make me feel at peace. and every time i would try on a different belief system, a different political point of view, etc, i would just try to follow the rules of it and force the dogmas of it onto myself, without digging deeper or asking myself why and if i actually liked the thing i was obsessed with.

like it's weird and it's illogical. but ive always perceived the world as something that comes upon you from the outside that you have to get used to. meanwhile in reality, your opinions, desires and beliefs come from within you. and ive only figured that out literally this year.

so i remember being a teen, struggling with trying to find peace with transitioning into a young woman, trying on different belief systems, convincing myself that one of them has to hold the truth. but it was the wrong way to look to begin with! you have to find your values first and then see if maybe they align with anyone else's. not the other way around! it sounds stupid when i say that, but when all you've been doing your whole life is classifying things and sorting all of your interests into boxes, you don't ever realise that your thoughts can come from within! you feel like an empty vessel, needing to be filled with obsessions from the outside world. but those obsessions will never make you feel at peace because you have to produce your own thoughts and beliefs and have your own values. and that concept is still very hard for me to grasp.

so now this is where i see the problem with lauren southern. i feel like she too was in the same scenario with her failed marriage. as a young woman she became an anti-sjw activist and then pushed herself further and further to the right, all while having the most basic and surface-level understanding of it. she followed all the steps laid out for her by the ideology she chose: be catholic, marry a man, have a child, be a housewife. and shocker! those weren't her values to begin with. so she became unhappy.

and there's something so relatable about that. like i remember being obsessed with B, the same way id be obsessed with anything. i pushed this obsession on myself and then tried to convince myself that it was for me, all while staying superficial, never questioning my choices or values. why did i like B? why was B a good fit for me? why did i have to be with him? i don't know, i just had to. it was some supernatural force i guess, convincing me that i had to follow those rules in my brain in order to be happy. but why? i never asked myself the question.

and now lauren is like "i married the guy bc he promised me i could be a housewife and he was catholic and traditional". like you see how superficial that is? it's literally the same story as collecting microlabels like pokemon bc your neurodivergent brain finds it satisfying. like catholic man? check. traditional catholic man? check. housewife status with traditional catholic man? check. baby with traditional catholic man? check. but now what's next? what's the essence of it all? why did you convince yourself that this was good for you? do you even know why you believe what you claim to believe? it's all for aesthetics and obsessive compartmentalisation.

anyway, i didn't watch the whole video because it's like an hour+ long and i have shit to do. but i did watch a bit of lana lokteff's reaction to it. and god she's such a vile woman. like as soon as i saw the thumbnail of her video in the recommended bar i had a vomit reflex lol. but in her video she was basically scolding lauren for making bad choices and not thinking things through, all while saying how marriage is so much deeper than what meets the eye and marriage is great basically. and yeah, you can't argue with that. marriage isn't just some life trophy to collect, it's a whole thing. but does the altright ever explain that to women? are those tradwives making tiktoks showing what marriage actually is? all rightwing women hear is "get married, have kids, it's great" and that's it. and if your understanding of the world is flawed because of the weird mechanics of your brain, you're gonna understand just that. and marry the first catholic man you meet like lauren southern. and be unhappy because you were never taught to question why.

[tobbesdiscordkitten]

1,4,8,16,21 girl lemme know about your answers!!! ❤️❤️❤️

AAHHH! Thank you so much for the ask, love 🥰 Hopefully my answers aren’t too messy, however, I probably did overthink each one lol.

1. If someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to?

If someone wanted to understand my pessimistic soul they would need to read Fyodor Dostoevsky, Stephen King, and lots of historical fiction/nonfiction works. On top of this, they would need to read DC comic books such as Batman and the Joker AND read magazines about celebrities/films.

As far as movies go I’ll list some of my all-time favorites: The Shining, Terminator 2: Judgement Day, Ghost Rider, Moulin Rouge, Mean Streets, The Godfather: Part 2, JFK, Last Night in SoHo, and The Great Dictator. Sometimes the sequels are better (based on this list) 😅 But when I was younger I used to watch a lot of horror movies (Chucky, Friday The 13th, A Nightmare On Elm Street, Halloween, Scream, Paranormal Activity, Saw, etc.) then I got out of that phase and started watching a lot of Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger action films like Rambo and Commando, until I started watching more contemporary cinema a few years ago. My film tastes have been all over the place…

My music taste is even worse lmao. People would definitely need to listen to Lana Del Rey, specifically her Dark Paradise song. Other artists/bands would include Tears for Fears, Queen, Mötley Crüe, Subvision, Oasis, Billie Eilish, and Ghost. Below I’ll list a few other songs that resonate with me deeply on a personal level:

• Daddy Issues - The Neighbourhood

• Congratulations - Post Malone

• Talking Body - Tove Lo

• In This Darkness - Clara La San

• Hey Now! - Oasis

• American Trash - Innerpartysystem

• Mad World - Gary Jules

• She’s Electric - Oasis

• Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen

All in all I’m mostly a pop/punk-rock kid who grew up listening to a wide range of genres. I had artists like Rihanna, Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, Bruno Mars, Adele, Lady Gaga, and Nicki Minaj play on the car radio everyday before going to school. Then my older sister would share her music with me and my brother, and she listened to bands like The All-American Rejects, Green Day, Three Days Grace, Panic! at the Disco, and Evanscence. My father even played his ‘80s music around the house which included Journey, Van Halen, Simple Minds, and Guns N’ Roses. As long as the songs are catchy I like a variety of different music. And I only have my family to thank for broadening my musical palette 🖤

4. Do you like your name? Is there another name you think would fit you better?

My real name? Not really. It’s too simple. I do like how it’s spelled differently tho, granted people often mispronounce it. As for my Tumblr name (Cine)? I like it better than my actual name. Idk…if I had to change my real name I would switch it to Dimitri or something.

8. What musical artists have you most felt connected to over your lifetime?

Since I’m an old soul I connect a lot with Lana Del Rey. I LOVE how her aesthetic is vintage Hollywood glamour mixed in with 1950s-1970s Americana. I favor those time periods more than the one I’m currently living in. Her music speaks to me and I’m grateful to have found her in my life.

16. If you’d grown up in a different environment, do you think you’d have turned out the same?

I don’t think any of us would tbh. The environment we grew up in shapes us and if that changes then we change, either for the better or for the worse, depending on how good or bad the situation is. The environment I grew up in was not perfect, but was it downright horrible? No. However, I was sheltered and it did cause me to form attachment issues and daddy issues well into my adulthood.

21. Do you love easily?

Yes 😆 Sometimes I love people a little too much lol. What’s funny is, if I look at someone, my gut instincts immediately tell me if they are a good or bad person, based on the feelings they provoke at first glance. If I feel weary of someone then I won’t have a good impression of them, but if it’s the complete opposite, then I’ll trust that person with my whole heart. It’s weird.

Phew…thanks again for the ask! 🫶🏻

✨Identity Crisis Ask Game✨

[snobgoblin]

from my observations here's what your favourite Gorillaz character may say about you ^^

2-D- This can go one of a few different ways- either you really enjoy a good lovable dumbass or you're drawn to his trauma. Or you just like his design/sentimental attachment (but that can be said for literally any of them so yeah-) While 2-D isn't a dumbass all the time, nowadays he's sort of been flanderized and that's just how a lot of people know him. Anyway! If he's your favourite you're a softie in some way, even if you don't know it. You're very lovable and probably valued very deeply by your friends, they really love you and value your friendship despite your flaws. You might be a bit odd and you may even be bullied, but strangely it doesn't phase you much and if it does, it's all at once in a big breakdown once you really get to thinking about everything that's happened to you. You're definitely a creative type in a lot of ways, and you're probably an animal lover with a lot of different, intense interests. Maybe a bit spacey, but people take you for granted and you surprise them with your wisdom. Also, you really enjoy early 2000s fashion and grunge-esque aesthetics along with weirdcore and just, knives in general

Murdoc- You enjoy a good bastard. Just, an absolute piece of garbage. Yes. Or, you are drawn to his abusive tendencies due to your own trauma- OR you empathize with his trauma and actions because something similar has happened to you. You tend to be a bit more aggressive and sarcastic, but you're still very sensitive and you feel bad when you accidentally hurt your friends feelings, even if you won't admit that to them. You may be emotionally distant at times but you always feel your emotions very deeply. You may struggle with addiction, whether that's to hard drugs or even just your phone. You tend to have frequent mental breakdowns but hide this fact from your loved ones. (its okay to ask for help!) You may feel regret for a lot of things, but that's ok! it shows you're growing. I believe in you. ...Alternatively, you could just be drawn to his charisma and find comfort in his quirks

Russel- You're a great cook or you're a picky eater. You always notice when someone in the group is being ignored, and you're INCREDIBLY intuitive and empathic. You don't talk very much, but when you do, you always have an air of wisdom about you. People really love being around you and grow close to you abnormally quickly. You have a comfortable presence. You are incredibly loyal and will always stand up for your friends. You may struggle with paranoia or obsessive tendancies. You're the mom of the group and always make sure everyone's doing okay, constantly monitoring their moods and resolving conflicts.

Noodle- depending on the phase you either just really like kid characters or really love a good badass. You probably like Pokémon. You definitely had a neko oc at some point. You tend to hide your pain from others but it comes out eventually. You're annoyed by people who won't listen to what you tell them and hate being talked at. You really hate when things don't go your way. People see you as mature but you're still a kid inside and and never developed the best coping mechanisms because you had to suffer the worst of your trauma alone. You feel that nobody will ever understand what you've been through so you just keep quiet about it.

Cyborg Noodle- I dont know how to describe it but you have the saddest, happiest most broken and empathetic energy about you. You have abandonment issues and are likely nonbinary. People tend to view you as immature. You're very insecure.

Del- You're super bubbly and outgoing- and very impulsive. You get along with basically everyone despite pissing a bunch of people off. People just tend to forgive you super quickly because you're just so fun to be around. Although you're friends with everyone, you only have one very good friend, but they're your everything.

Ace- You grew up on the Powerpuff Girls and theres an 89% chance you had a crush on him as a kid. The bulk of your love for him is sentimental. You're a nostalgia nut and an absolute goblin. Your fav colour is def green and you've been a villain sympathizer as long as you can remember. A sense of humour is something you really value in a friendship. You like to keep things light because you grew up in a chaotic environment and you really just want to retire, emotionally. You're highly dependent, loyal, and appreciative of your friends.

Paula- You love a good underdog AND a bastard. You're an advocate and you're very defensive of her. You're emotionally mature and socially aware. Also, you love late 90s and early 2000s fashion. You're big brain, point blank, and probably a leader. People may see you as aggressive but in a positive way.

Sal- you're a liar, no, he's not your favourite

Was it accurate? Lemme know ^^

[malfoysstilinski]

pretty sights | draco malfoy smut

draco malfoy x fem!reader

summary: draco walks in on you masturbating on his bed and talks you through it before finishing you off himself.

warnings: smut, female and male masturbation, fingering, eating out, praise kink but also some degradation, slight cum play, maybe more?

word count: 2.1k 

a/n: this was meant to be less than 500 words for a blurb but i got carried away--

Draco was late. The two of you had been hooking up for a few months now, right under the noses of all of your friends, and he was easily the best you’d ever had. He’d slipped you a note that morning, telling you to be in his prefect dorm by seven that night-- no excuses. 

Yet here you were, all alone, no Draco in sight at all. You sighed, shutting your eyes as you lay your body across his silk sheets. They were the same Slytherin green that he loved, making you smile a little as you skimmed your fingers across them. His scent surrounded you; the green apple of his shampoo, the expensive cologne you bought him every year for his birthday. 

It was hard not to get turned on when you thought about all of the things that had happened on this bed. All of the words he’d said to you, all of the things he’d done to you and promised to do to you again and again and again until you were sick of it. You were sure you would never get sick of Draco and his fingers or his tongue or his cock. 

Without thinking too much about it, you sighed and wriggled on his bed so your head was comforted by his pillow. Your hand snaked down past the waistband of your school skirt, past your panties, touching your cunt. Your hands were cold from the coolness of the Slytherin dungeons, making you gasp. 

“Fuck…” You whispered, arching your back slightly to get a better angle at your clit. 

Waves of arousal surged through you as you began to rub yourself, feeling it throb beneath you as wetness collected around your entrance, dampening your fingers slightly as you slid them down. Swallowing, you threw your head back and closed your eyes, small breathy whimpers leaving your lips as you thought about Draco. 

“Are you imagining those are my fingers, darling?”

You glanced up, barely phased by Draco’s silent entrance into his bedroom. He stood leaning against the door, his arms folded and his silver eyes dark. His jaw was slightly clenched as if he was restraining himself from marching over to the bed and finishing your job himself. 

“Mhm,” you gave a small hum and a nod, deciding to part your legs a little so that he could see what you were doing better. 

Draco nearly groaned at your words, his lips parting slightly as he strode over. He kneeled on the end of the large bed, grabbing your knees with his large hands and parting them even further. Your actions didn’t stop on your clit, your fingers drawing circles that he couldn’t see properly past the lacy panties that you were wearing. 

Hiking your skirt up, he then reached forward and pulled at your panties. You moved your hand so he could tug them all the way down, but quickly returned your hand. Draco’s tongue darted out and wetted his top lip, entranced by your movements. 

“Are they as good as my fingers?” Draco questioned, voice darker than usual.

“No,” you whispered, sliding your middle finger down to your entrance and thrusting it inside, curling it the best you could. “Yours are so much longer. Feel so much better inside me. Thicker and deeper.”

Draco nearly looked like he was drunk, sort of dazed as he focused on your pleasuring yourself. He’d never seen you do it before, he’d always been the one making you feel good. His cock felt hard in his trousers, throbbing as it begged to be inside of you. Draco refrained from palming himself, tracing circles on your knee as he studied you. 

“Add another finger, pretty girl,” Draco murmured, “Stretch yourself wider for me.”

Chewing down on your bottom lip, you did as you were told, sliding your ring finger inside as well. Draco’s mouth parted a little further, his hand now gripping your knee a little as you began to slide your fingers in and out of your dripping cunt. He watched the way you curled them upwards, but he could tell that your own fingers didn’t do it for you like his own did. 

“Go faster,” Draco ordered, “I want to hear how wet you are.”

Your breath hitched but nevertheless you obeyed. Thrusting in and out of your cunt, you threw your head back and allowed your thumb to simultaneously rub at your clit. You wished he would take over and fuck you as hard and fast as he wanted into his green, silky sheets, but this was also arousing-- the coil in your stomach beginning to tighten already.

“Does rubbing your clit feel good, princess?” Draco whispered. 

“Yes,” you whimpered.

“Pull out your fingers,” he commanded, watching with a smirk as you followed everything he said. “Let me lick them clean for you. Don’t want a drop to go to waste.”

You sat up a little, Draco moving to hover over you, his hand hand supporting his weight. You guided your fingers towards his mouth, watching as he opened his mouth and stuck his tongue out slightly. A gush of wetness dampened your cunt even further, a moan escaping your lips as he took your fingers into his mouth, sucking lightly whilst looking you in the eye. 

He smirked around your fingers, the tip of his tongue cleaning you before he pulled away with a small pop. Breathlessly, you reached for him and tugged his face close to yours, your lips smashing against his. Draco’s mouth worked against yours like magic, like you were made for one another, his other hand moving to grab the back of your neck and bring you even closer.

“So good for me,” Draco muttered as he pulled away, his forehead against yours. “You’re my little slut, aren’t you? You’d do anything I say…”

“Anything,” you promise with a nod.

Draco bit his lip and then grinned, grabbing you by the neck and forcing you down against his pillows. You gasped as you looked up at him, feeling his hand snake down between your legs. He swiped a finger through your folds without breaking eye contact, causing your back to arch a little, thrusting your hips as he cupped your cunt with his large, cool hand. 

“So fucking wet…” He muttered, “Did imagining that it was me make you wanna cum, darling?”

“So bad,” you whispered. 

You were nearly cut off by two of his fingers thrusting straight into your entrance. It was so abrupt that you cried out, your head snapping backwards. The sound vibrated through the hand that Draco had wrapped around your neck, his thumb rubbing over your pulse point as he thrust his fingers in and out of you. The sounds that were being made nearly made you blush, your eyes rolling into the back of your head as he curled his fingers, hitting spots that you could never reach by yourself. 

“Good girl,” Draco growled, “Such a good fucking girl for me. You know that nobody can make you cum like I do, don’t you? Not even yourself anymore. I’ve ruined you for even yourself.”

You could barely nod against him, your head too fuzzy. You felt like you were on cloud nine, small screams ripping past your lips when his thumb found your clit. He rubbed at it harshly, feeling your legs tremble. 

Draco pulled his fingers out of your cunt and retracted his hand from your throat. You squirmed as he moved down your body, grabbing your hips and pinning you down against the mattress so you couldn’t move. Your entire body shook a little as you felt him spit on your cunt. 

He moved one arm away and swirled his spit around your pussy, mixing it with your arousal before diving down. He didn’t ease you into it like normal, didn’t lick a stripe through your folds and then kitten lick at your clit, but wrapped his entire mouth around your swollen bud and began to suck. 

“Draco!” You moaned, reaching down and grabbing at his platinum hair, tugging slightly. “Fuck! Fuck, just like that…”

Draco made slurping noises and moaned against your cunt, enjoying the waves of wetness that coated his tongue as he lifted from your clit to thrust slightly at your entrance. Squeezing your eyes shut, you threw your head back and whined, desperate for some sort of release.

His moans against you grew more frequent so you lifted your head slightly, finding Draco rolling his hips against the bed. He thrusted his tongue in and out of your entrance a few times before peering up at you, silver eyes dark and hazy. 

“Have I ever told you how much eating you out fucking turns me on?” Draco muttered, grabbing your knees and yanking your legs apart again from where you had begun to squeeze them together for some sort of pressure. 

He delivered a smack to your clit, causing you to whimper. “Do not shut your legs,” he hissed, “Or I’ll leave you here alone to get off by yourself again.”

“No, no-- please,” you begged him. 

Draco’s smirk widened as he palmed himself through his trousers, bending down to suck at your clit. You felt his teeth nibble slightly, your mouth shaking as it dropped open. His hand that wasn’t currently unbuttoning his trousers moved to thrust fingers inside of you, fucking in and out of you whilst his tongue lapped you up and swirled around your swollen bud. 

The coil in your stomach was growing tighter and tighter, your teeth clamping down on your lips. You peered down at him again, moaning even louder when you realised that Draco had his hand in his underwear and was pumping at his cock whilst he got you off. 

“Please let me cum,” you sobbed, “Please, Draco. I’m gonna cum!”

Draco thrusted his fingers in harsher, lapping you up quicker. His tongue was flat against your clit, his breath hitting you in the most delicious way. You felt him nod and knew that permission had been granted. It didn’t take long before you tumbled over the edge, cumming all over Draco’s tongue. Your walls squeezed at his fingers, Draco groaning into you, sending vibrations across your body. 

“So fucking hot…” He muttered as he pulled his finger out of you and kneeled between your legs.

He pushed his trousers down and pumped his cock, rubbing his hand up and down it. It looked like he was going to cum any moment, hard as ever and leaking precum. Then, Draco moved to hover over you, his hands either side of your head. You thought he was going to thrust himself inside of you and use your body until he came, but then one of his hands reached down to guide his cock through your folds. 

You whimpered, feeling his dick slide through your arousal and hit your clit. Draco thrusted his hips, rubbing his cock up and down your wet cunt, pressing into your clit every now and then. His mouth dropped open a little and then he swallowed thickly, glancing down between your bodies to watch his cock slide between your folds, hard and red and glistening with your cum. 

“Fuck, gonna cum all over your beautiful cunt,” Draco hissed, giving a few more thrusts before you felt his hot seed spill all over you. “Yeah, that’s it. Take my cum.”

Draco groaned loudly, burying his head in your neck, his lips nipping at you for a moment or two. Your hands moved to his pale back where you grazed your nails up and down his skin, thrusting your hips up to apply some more pressure to his cock. It jerked slightly when he was finished cumming and he pulled away, studying the mess that he had made all over you. 

“Fuck…” Draco muttered, “I’m not sure there’s a prettier sight than this… You covered in my cum.”

His fingers moved to swirl in his cum and he dipped them down to your entrance, thrusting it inside of you. He scooped more and did the same, painting you with it. Your body trembled and you swore, watching lazily as he rubbed your clit a few more times. You shuddered and came, this time less intense than the last, his name falling from your lips over and over again. 

“Maybe I’ll turn up late again if I get to walk in on you getting off on my bed,” Draco muttered, leaning up and brushing your hair out of your face with his clean hand. He slipped his messy one into your mouth, letting you clean it for him. “Fancy a bath now?”

You chuckled breathlessly and nodded. “You read my mind.”

[cherienymphe]

Joke’s On You (Joker x Reader)

WARNINGS: DUB-CON, NON-CON, ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP, knife play, blood play, murder, violence, 

IF ANY OF THIS OFFENDS YOU, PLEASE DNI

➥ {page breaks done by @whimsicalrogers​}

summary: you’re a part time thief who keeps getting in the Joker’s way. What starts out as rivals quickly turns into something hot and heavy, and before you know it, you’re J’s girl. Whether you want to be or not {based off of this headcanon}

~

The first time you ever come face to face with the Joker, the clown king himself, is during one of the first night’s you first started to execute your grand idea. You went through a klepto phase when you were a kid, but you never expected you’d return to it, and definitely not on a bigger scale like this.

It wasn’t like you were homeless or right on the poverty line. You had money, quite a bit in fact. One of the perks of being a stripper in the most popular club in Gotham, but there came a certain thrill from stealing from the rich in this city. Sure, you took their money on the stage, did everything you could to make them empty their pockets, but taking their money right out from under their nose was different.

You’re not sure when you came up with the bright idea, but you knew that if you wanted to keep this up and stay out of prison, you had to get smart about this. That was where the Joker came in. That clown ran this city, and you knew that with him around, no one would dare to even notice you. If you made your hits the same time as him, you could get in and out to no one’s knowledge.

It was a solid plan.

Until it wasn’t.

You almost ruin his plans to send a bank up into flames, and your eyes briefly meet his cold green ones before you’re taking off. You half expected to hear the sound of gunshots, even expected to get hurt or worse, but you can hear him telling his thugs to stand down. He doesn’t seem the least bit bothered by your presence, no real threat, and you’re unsure if you should be offended or not.

You had never seen the man himself up close before, and you’re shocked to realize that he’s taller than you imagined. More intimidating than you imagined. Despite the fact that he barely paid you any mind, you can’t help feeling like he’s going to break into your apartment and slit your throat. You’re a petty thief, nothing like the big criminals in this city, and your run in with him spooks you. It takes a long time for you to fall asleep that night.

You quickly put it behind you though and tell yourself that you just have to be more careful from here on out. It soon becomes obvious that that’s easier said than done. You hadn’t meant to get in his way when he was taking the mayor hostage. It was an honest mistake when you almost kept him from breaking some other danger to society out of Arkham, but the nail in your coffin finally comes when you do prevent him from robbing a bank truck.

You barely ducked in time as a bullet came flying past your head. You’re shaken up, but you manage to force yourself to get the hell out of there before the cops showed up and before the Joker took another shot. You should have known that he was going to be expecting you. The Joker was a lot of things, but stupid was not one of them.

You walk right into a trap, and you’re in the bank vault, hands full of money when you feel a sharp tug on your hair. You swallow down a yelp as you’re yanked back into a bare chest, and your eyes widen when a hand curls around your throat. You may not be the best villain in the world, but you’re one that can defend yourself, and the walls of the vault shake as you fight back.

He’s stronger than he looks, but you’re stronger than you look, and you both realize this when he has a gun pressed to your forehead while you have a knife at his throat. Your heart is hammering inside of your chest because not only are you once again face to face with the Joker himself, but he’s seconds away from killing you. You feel like you’re about to throw up, and he’s clearly amused.

He tilts his head at you, red lips parting to reveal a shiny grin, a laugh bubbling in his throat as he presses the barrel of the gun even further into your skin. His purple coat hangs off of him, pale chest heaving and that’s how you know that despite his grin, he’s irritated. Maybe even mad.

“…and what do they call you?”

His voice is deep, and that takes you by surprise. A lot of things about the infamous criminal are taking you by surprise.

“What does it matter? You’re going to kill me anyway, right?”

He hums, stepping closer with a sneer.

“I haven’t quite figured that one out yet…maybe I will when you tell me your name…”

“Well, I haven’t quite figured out what I want to be called,” you honestly told him.

No one but him and his goons knew about you, so you had never counted on anyone else knowing about you either. The thought of an alias never crossed your mind.

“Trying to steal my shine or something? You want to be the big dog around here?”

“Oh, please,” you scoff, and if he had eyebrows, you were sure he’d be raising one at you right now with the look he gave you.

He narrowed his eyes, and in one movement, he ripped your mask from your eyes, making them widen. He looked down his nose at you, taking in your all black attire before finally resting his eyes on your face.

“…or don’t tell me…you’re one of those girlies who thinks she can run around with me?”

You frowned at him, and he continued.

“I take it you’re a big fan.”

His tone was mocking, and you had the urge to spit in his face, but you knew that would surely put a bullet in your head, so you simply rolled your eyes.

“Hardly. With you around, no one will even look my way. Your taste for the dramatics allows me to stay below the radar,” you told him.

He hummed at that, tilting his head from side to side as he weighed your explanation in his mind.

“That’s smart, and I gotta hand it to ya, I didn’t think you were smart.”

Your frown deepened at his backhanded compliment, but it was quickly wiped from your face when he tightened his hold on his gun, and your eyes widened.

“Smart, but not smart enough to stay out of my way-.”

He was interrupted as the building shook, and you both turned as gunshots reached your ears. While he was distracted, you slipped out of his grip, ducking in time to miss a bullet before turning the corner. A recognizable shadow passed over the walls, and you ducked into a nearby hallway just as the winged vigilante himself met the Joker as he stepped into the hall.

The air hitting your face reminded you that your mask was gone, and you quietly made your way to the back exit as the sound of fighting and gunshots grew fainter. You released a sigh of relief when you made it outside, and although you didn’t have anything to show for your excursion, at least you had your life.

A thin layer of sweat clings to your skin as you step down off of the stage, feet aching in your heels. A coworker of yours winks at you as she takes your place on the stage, and you wish her luck. Customers were being a bit stingy today, and considering your last heist granted you with nothing, your lack of cashflow today had you more annoyed than usual.

Sure, it was a Tuesday afternoon, but it was still the hottest club in Gotham. Customers of all types of backgrounds frequented the place, and although the old money crowd practically lived here, you had a love hate relationship with their kind. They tended to be the stingiest with their money despite having more than you could ever dream of.

“What time are you off?”

You turned to another girl who worked at the place, Mandy, and threw her a grim look.

“12.”

She grimaced, blue eyes filled with pity as she shook her head.

“Sheesh. Well, that’s what happens when you’re the best dancer in this place,” she said with a shrug. “Your demand is high.”

“High demand and low pay. What a treat,” you sarcastically replied.

She chuckled, but she quickly swallowed it down, eyes glancing past you. The club was already loud, but there seemed to be an uptake in noise, and you turned to find the cause. You froze where you stood, eyes wide and lips parting at the group of people who just stepped into the place.

All of the men varied in size and shape, all dressed in black as they made their way inside like they owned the place. You supposed that in a way they did. Anyone following the footsteps of the Joker probably felt like he could get away with anything. The man in question led the bunch, strutting past patrons with a dark look in his eye, green hair contrasting against his dark red shirt.

You quickly turned back around, squeezing your eyes shut as Mandy let out a low whistle.

“I haven’t seen him step foot in here in forever,” she commented.

You looked to her with a confused frown.

“What?”

“Oh, yeah. You’ve only been here for what, half a year? The Joker used to come in here all the time. They’d get a bit rowdy but what is that when he’s the highest paying customer?”

She shrugged, reaching for a tray of drinks, completely unaware of your internal dilemma. It was almost time to get back on stage.

“Have fun,” she purred, walking past you.

You took a deep breath, forcing yourself to calm down as you stewed over what you should do. Sure, you were a thief in your spare time, but you couldn’t lose this job. As much as you wanted to, you couldn’t walk out of here, so you straightened your shoulders and made your way back to your stage.

You kept an eye out for pale skin and green hair, and you were thankful to find him far on the other side of the room. He and his crew were occupied by another dancer, Mandy serving them drinks. You were thankful and carefully stepped onto the stage.

As usual, you attracted a nice sized crowd, and you made sure to keep your face turned away as you moved around the pole. You were pleased to find that this crowd was more generous with their money, but your satisfaction was short lived when your turned to find your boss gesturing for you to come off the stage. You were confused but did so anyway. He nervously scratched his dark beard as you approached, and you had a sinking feeling in your gut for some reason.

“What is it?”

He grumbled and jerked his head towards the other side of the building, and you hesitantly looked over his shoulder. The Joker’s goons were having a good time tossing money at the dancer on stage, a few of them clearly drunk. The green-haired man, however, wasn’t partaking in the festivities. His unreadable gaze was focused on you, and your heart sank when he didn’t break the stare. You were forced to when your boss spoke.

“He wants a private session with you,” the older man mumbled, and you’d be dumb to miss the fear and concern in his voice.

You internally cursed.

“You’re kidding…”

“…’fraid not. He was very clear in his…request,” he responded.

You both knew that it wasn’t a request. The Joker never requested anything, and you briefly closed your eyes, positive that this was going to be your last night on earth. Your boss placed his hand on your shoulder, gaze sympathetic…and pitying.

“Just do what he says, alright?”

He wasn’t just telling you that to make more money, but to keep you from becoming the clown’s next victim. You didn’t have the heart to tell him that your fate was already sealed. With a nod, you strutted past him and made your way to the other side of the room. The Joker’s expression didn’t change as you approached him, and you nervously swallowed. His cold green eyes seemed to follow the gesture, and you took a deep breath.

“Someone request a private room?”

Again, he said nothing, simply tilting his head to the side as his trailed his eyes over your scantily clad form. Some of his posse was still enamored with the dancer before them, but the rest had turned to not so discreetly eye you. They all looked away when the green-haired man stood, and your eyes fell to the sliver of skin that peeked through the top of his shirt, unable to hold his gaze.

“Right this way…”

You didn’t hear his footsteps, but you could feel his presence behind you as you led the way to the back where the private rooms were located. The walk was quiet, thick with tension, and you wondered if it was too late for you to start saying your prayers.

You went in first, blinking at the red glow of the room that came from the neon lights. You were shaking, stomach churning as the door clicked shut behind him. You turned to tell him to get it over with when his hand wrapped around your throat, forcing you to swallow your words. You let out a pained squeak, eyes watering, but his lips swallowed any other noise you threatened to make.

Your eyes were wide as he roughly kissed you, shock coursing through you while his mouth moved against yours. You stumbled back in your heels, but he quickly followed, teeth nipping at you so violently that you tasted blood. You wanted to tell him that this wasn’t that kind of club. This was not in your job description and was not allowed, but you remembered your boss’ words and wondered if he knew that this was what the man wanted?

Even still, you couldn’t go through with this, but his tattooed hands were ripping at your attire before you had the chance to voice what you wanted to say. Your lips were finally free to tell him off, but the only thing that came out was a yelp when his teeth sank into your shoulder. The pain you felt was quickly overshadowed by the pleasure that warmed your stomach when his fingers brushed over you.

You pushed against his chest, but his other hand grabbed your wrist, spinning you around so that your back was pressed to his chest. It happened so quickly that you didn’t have time to ponder what was happening until he was already inside of you. One hand was tangled in your hair, face pressed into the seat of the sofa as broken moans escaped your trembling lips.

His free hand was pressed into the skin between your shoulder blades, holding you down while his hips snapped into you over and over again. He was far from gentle, but every harsh stroke only seemed to stroke that fire inside of you. Your lashes were fluttering as he thrust into you, eyes rolling while you tried to make sense of everything.

You could feel his nails pressing into your back as he pinned you down, and your own scraped against the fabric of the couch while choked moans climbed out of your throat. This was far from how you expected your day to go. After all, it wasn’t that long ago that this man was trying to kill you. You fluttered around his unrelenting cock and tried to remember why that was a bad thing.

He let out what sounded like a growl above you, the fabric of his pants pressing into your skin as he ground against you, and his hand in your hair moved to the back of your neck just as the tightening in your stomach snapped. You came around him with an embarrassing scream, going limp beneath him as he fucked you through your climax, diving headfirst into his own.

You collapsed the minute he let you go, vision blurry and throat sore as you heard him zip his pants. You were still shaking, and he was already gathering himself together like nothing had happened. Like he hadn’t just fucked you delirious. You moved to stand, ready to give him a piece of your mind, but you collapsed back onto the couch.

If you didn’t know any better, you’d say you heard a low chuckle in his throat. Either way, you didn’t get to ask him because the sound of the door slamming shut reached your ears seconds later.

The next time you ran into that stupid clown, you took great satisfaction in striking him square in the face. You didn’t care that he was surrounded by his band of hired muscle nor that you were currently standing in the middle of a jewelry store, alarm blaring in your ears almost painfully.

He gestured for the men around him to continue looting the place, seeing as they had paused to take in the scene. You knew they would have killed you without hesitation had he told them to. You glared at him as he grinned at you, bat perched on his shoulder.

“We’ve gotta stop running into each other like this,” he lowly said.

“That was for the last time we ‘ran into each other’,” you sneered. “I don’t care who you are, you don’t get to-.”

“Consider it my way of letting you get off easy.”

He chuckled at his play on words, but you weren’t amused in the slightest.

“Get off easy? Are you even crazier than everyone thinks?”

His grin was gone in a flash, and he stepped towards you, tapping his bat against his shoulder as he leaned in. His lips were parted as his eyes bore into your own, and you forced yourself to stand your ground as the scent of him invaded your nose.

“If you recall,” he slowly began. “You’re supposed to be dead.”

You swallowed, jaw clenching as he tapped his finger against your nose.

“The plan was to put a bullet in that pretty little mouth of yours. Does that…ring any bells?”

You pressed your lips together, glancing away as he let out a breathy chuckle.

“Fucking you brought me more satisfaction than killing you ever could,” he deeply said.

You felt heat rise to your face, and he tilted his head, lips brushing against your own as he spoke.

“So…I suggest you keep me satisfied…”

His coat flew behind him as he spun away, stomping towards one of his men to bark orders at them. Anger and humiliation coursed through you as you stomped outside, and you narrowed your eyes as the sound of police sirens drew nearer. With a sneer, you grabbed the knife in your holster before slashing the tires on his van.

That kept you satisfied throughout the rest of the night, but you paid for it dearly the next day at the club. This time, he hadn’t even waited until you were in the room. His hand had curled around the back of your neck as soon as you got to the door, forcing you inside as soon as he opened it.

You had stumbled in your heels, falling to your knees, and he was there before you could even rise. His hand was on your neck the entire time he slammed into you, the carpet scraping against your back. You could hardly breathe, let alone moan as he had his way with you, and you knew that he was genuinely angry this time, and you wondered how he managed to escape the police.

He was punishing you for your little stunt, but God did you love it. Your hands fisted into his bright red button down as he slid into your soaked walls, trying to pull him closer. You heard him hum every time you clenched around his throbbing member, the sound of your arousal reaching your ears. You should have been embarrassed at how wet you were, but the Joker seemed to enjoy it just fine, and besides. You saw no reason to pretend.

Like the last time, he was righting himself as soon as he was done while you lay on the floor, still trying to catch your breath. You let out a soft chuckle as he slammed the door behind him, and you wouldn’t be surprised if you weren’t even able to talk in the morning.

This little game between the two of you became something of a regular occurrence. You’d make your hits when and where he did his to avoid exposure, and sometimes things would go wrong on his end. Some mishaps were genuine accidents, but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t enjoy the way he’d take out his frustration on you.

He fucked you like an animal, and you loved it because sometimes you couldn’t even form words afterwards. And best of all, he wasn’t trying to kill you anymore…just your vagina.

One day, he didn’t leave as soon as he was done. He stood over you, watching as you fought to control your breathing. When you realized that he wasn’t making any moves to leave, you peeled your eyes open to look up at him from your place on the couch.

“…what?”

You nervously sat up as he dug into his pocket, eyes widening when he pulled out the shiniest bracelet you’d ever seen. He dangled it in front of your face, a low hum escaping him as you admired it.

“Saw this shiny little number in the display. It had my little thief written all over it…”

He jerked it away when you reached for it, so you reached higher, gasping when he closed his free hand around your wrist. You watched as he snapped the expensive piece of jewelry around your arm, and you brushed your fingers over it the minute he let you go.

You were forced to pull your eyes away from it though when he harshly gripped your chin, pulling your head up so that you were looking at him. His green eyes bore into your own, face unreadable as he pressed his red lips together.

“You like it, doll face?”

You couldn’t hold back your grin, and you nodded.

“I love it,” you told him, unaware of the implications behind the gesture.

You started showing up to work with all kinds of new things. A new pair of earrings, a necklace that wasn’t that before, even some new heels that didn’t hurt your feet as much. You figured it was just a perk of fucking the king of Gotham, of keeping him satisfied.

You didn’t know that it went beyond mere satisfaction and thankful gestures.

It was a late night, or early morning depending on how you looked at it. The club was almost at its peak, the early hours of the morning being your busiest. You hadn’t seen J in a few days, but it wasn’t unusual. The man was basically running an empire.

You were servicing a client, a regular who could never stick to one dancer. He had a habit of hopping between the ladies at the club, and it looked like this week, he’d chosen you. The loud music filled your ears as you slid your hands over his shoulder, thighs brushing his as you danced on him. The bass from the music made your body vibrate, and your eyes fell closed as you fisted one of your hands into your hair, chest pushed forwards.

The man had already given you a handsome sum of money, and you knew that if you put on your best show, there was plenty more where that came from. The loud music prevented you from hearing the rise in voices as a new patron entered the club. It also prevented you from taking note of the worried chatter that had only just started to emerge, but it didn’t drown out the sound of a gunshot that you flinching.

However, you didn’t open your eyes because of the gunshot. You opened your eyes at the feel of droplets landing all over your face, hair, and clothes. You faintly registered the sound of screams surrounding you as people fled from the club, tripping over one another. You stumbled back, frozen in place as you stood up straight, hands raised in front of you as you stared at your dead customer in shock.

He was dead.

That much was more than clear, but you were having a hard time wrapping your head around it. Heavy footsteps slowly made their way over to you, and you hesitantly looked over, terrified eyes connecting with familiar green ones. His eyes were wild and crazed, green hair pushed back away from his face, gun swinging back and forth on his finger. He looked good in his all white suit, not a spot of blood on him.

You wished you could say the same.

“Are you insane?” you screamed, legs trembling.

“Well, that’s what they tell me.”

You frowned at him as he threw his head back and cackled, and you shook your head, fighting to clear it.

“Why did you do that? What’s wrong with you?”

He abruptly stopped laughing, slowly lowering his head to gaze at you. His lips parted into a mocking grin.

“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you? I leave town on business for a few days, and I come back to find my girl practically screwing some punk for the whole club to see,” he slowly said, voice low and threatening.

Your anger kicked you into gear, and you stomped towards him, a frown on your face.

“I am not your girl, and even if I was…this is my job! You know this is my job-!”

Your words were cut off, and you winced as he tightened his hold on your neck. Your feet were barely grazing the floor as he walked forwards, forcing you back. You dug your fingers into his arm, hitting at him with your free hand, but he acted as if you weren’t even fighting back.

“Those nice earrings you’re wearing says you’re my girl…”

Your stomach churned as you began to realize the serious meaning behind his gifts.

“…that pretty little bracelet on your arm says you’re my girl…”

You looked around in fear, realizing that the club was completely empty save for you, the Joker, and his thugs. You kicked at him as he forced your back onto the stage, his firm body pressing down on yours. His hold was still tight, and you felt tears spring forth as you fought to breathe.

“…and I say you’re my girl. Understand?”

You gave a shaky nod, but it wasn’t enough for him. He lifted you by the neck before slamming you back down, making you wince, and a slow grin spread along his face, revealing his shiny teeth.

“I’ve got a whole lotta toys, sweetheart. I earned those toys. I took those toys. Those toys are mine…”

You watched as he pointed his gun at the dead man still slumped in the chair.

“…and I don’t like people touching my toys.”

You didn’t get a chance to ponder on this turn of events before his lips were harshly pressing against yours. He slammed the gun down next to your head, hands pulling at your attire, and the tears finally spilled over as you fought against him. You weren’t alone, and this was a new level of humiliation that you weren’t okay with.

A man was dead. In fact, you were still covered in his blood, and the Joker’s men were just behind him, intently listening to everything, no doubt. His grip was harsh as he took hold of your wrists, slamming them down beside you. He let one go to grab his gun, pressing it into your lips as you shook.

“You gonna be a good girl? Or do I have to use this again?”

His voice was calm despite the violent implications behind his words, and you shakily shook your head.

He was rougher with you than he had ever been before. Biting you, choking you, and holding you far too tight. Part of you felt like it was done on purpose, not only so you’d get the idea, but so that the rest of his crew would get that you were his too. You cried as he pressed your cheek down onto the stage floor, hips snapping against your backside while harsh grunts left his lips.

You couldn’t handle staring at the Joker’s latest victim while he forced himself into you, so you squeezed your eyes shut. His other hand dug into your hip so harshly, you knew it was going to leave a bruise. As the minutes drew on, it seemed like his ministrations were becoming rougher, and if you didn’t know any better, you’d say the sound of your sobs were egging him on.

His grip on your hair when he came had more tears springing to your eyes, and you flinched when his lips brushed your ear.

“Clean yourself up…”

Having only been half on the stage, you collapsed to the floor when he let you go. Your hair and makeup were a mess, and you miserably stared up at him through tear-filled eyes as he tucked his shirt back into his pants, swiftly pulling on his white suit jacket.

“…the cops will be here soon, and you gotta pull yourself together. Huh, doll face?”

He forced your head back as he gripped your chin, and you reluctantly nodded. He roughly dragged his thumb over your lips, smearing what was left of your lipstick before taking his leave, leaving you alone with one dead body, and one bruised one.

You shuffled upstairs, arms aching and eyes tight as you made your way to your apartment. It had been weeks since you’d been back to the club. Your boss, someone you were ever grateful for, told you to come back when you were ready. After all, you’d had someone’s brains blown out right in front of you…on you.

You were fortunate that no one stuck around to see J’s possessive display of ownership, so no one knew what his impromptu murder was really about. Everyone speculated that the customer had crossed the Joker in some way, a business deal gone wrong, but only you knew the truth. Only you knew that the man’s only crime had been paying for your time.

You took a break from stealing from the wealthy too. Not only did you lack the energy, but you couldn’t chance running into the Joker. Had you known what all of those gifts had meant, you never would have accepted them. You didn’t want to be the Joker’s. The last girl who got seriously tangled up with him had ended up almost crazier than he was.

Granted, you heard Harley Quinn was doing better these days, but God. Look how long it took her to get there? The thought of telling him to his face that it was over was a scary one, so you settled for just hiding away in your apartment. He was the Joker, a man who had a lot on his plate, and like he’d said, you were a toy to him. There were plenty of toys out there, and he could easily find another.

You dropped the groceries to the floor as soon as you made it inside, and you groaned as you straightened. Your shoes clicked along the floor as you made your way through your dark apartment. You turned on the kitchen light so that it would be on when you returned, and you made your way through your living room, looking forward to getting out of these clothes.

However, when you turned on the light in the living room, you were startled by the sight of a familiar green-haired villain standing in the corner like some statue. You barely swallowed down the scream that bubbled in your throat, and your eyes were wide as you took him in.

He was wearing a tux, a nice one with a white bowtie and a matching boutonniere. His hair was slicked back, and you weren’t sure where he came from, but you wanted him to go right back.

“I was enjoying a night out on the town…taunting Batsy as I like to do…”

He walked away from the wall as he slowly begun, cold eyes roaming over your apartment.

“…when I realized that I hadn’t seen my little thief for days. Weeks even.”

“What are you doing here?”

He didn’t respond, instead opting to make his way around the living room, running his gloved hands over your furniture. You didn’t realize that he was gradually closing the circle, nearing you.

“You haven’t been at work. You haven’t been in my face while you ruin my plans. You’re not hiding from me…are ya, doll face?”

You clenched your jaw, swallowing down your fear as you crossed your arms over your chest.

“I’m not hiding from you. We’re just through,” you told him.

He froze, glancing over his shoulder at you before continuing to look around.

“Did you hear me? You and I are done. Take your jewelry back, take everything you gave me and leave,” you continued.

He continued on as if he hadn’t heard you, and you stomped towards him.

“I’m serious, J! Do I need to call the police?”

That made him turn, and he wagged his finger at you like you were a misbehaving child.

“Careful,” he purred. “…because I personally know a certain thief they’d love to be informed about.”

You frowned, swallowing before pushing past him.

“I don’t care. At least in jail, I’ll be away from you-.”

You were cut off by your own scream, reaching for his hand as he pulled on your hair, forcing you away from the phone. He pulled you against him, and your eyes widened when he pressed a knife against your cheek, a hair’s width away from your lips.

“You have no agency in this arrangement.”

He threw you to the floor, and you scrambled away from him, nails scraping along the wood as he pulled you back. He cut your clothes away with ease, the torn shreds falling to the floor to leave you bear before him. The knife that grazed along your skin kept you from screaming as he undressed, but you did wince when he pressed it into your thigh, like a warning of what could come.

He took you behind the couch first, holding your thighs so tightly that the skin burned when he finally let go. Your table was next, but unfortunately, it didn’t withstand his rough treatment. The wall shook as he fucked you against it, every thrust rattling the pictures you had hung up to make this place a tad cozier.

Broken glass and broken pieces of wood littered the floor by the time he forced you into your bedroom. His knife remained in between his fingers the whole time he fucked you against your sheets. Your scalp burned from his harsh hold, and your throat hurt every time you swallowed, and you just knew that you’d wake up with finger shaped bruises in the morning. His deep voice was a constant in your ear, calling you ‘his little thief’, tsking at you like you were a confused child, telling you how much he was going to straighten you out.

When you clenched around him for a final time, your legs were thrown over his shoulder while your hands were pinned above your head by one of his. His free hand had fun cutting little nicks into your skin, greedily licking up the blood as tears continued to dampen your cheeks. He continued to push himself into you even after he came, and when he finally pulled out, your legs fell to the bed, chest heaving with shallow sobs.

“Now, wasn’t that a whole lotta fun?”

You glared at him as he sat up, a thin layer of sweat clinging to his fair skin, and your eyes traced the ink that decorated him. His green hair was in disarray, a smug grin on his lips as he pushed the strange colored locks away from his face. You could hardly even move, and you feared that attempting to would hurt worse.

You watched as he leaned over to his discarded pants, pulling out some sparkly piece of jewelry that you couldn’t care less about. You swallowed as he held it up, nearing you.

“…and here I was out shopping for something to compliment those new earrings, and you’re talking about leaving me. That’s a bit rude, but I’m willing to look past it.”

More tears spill over as he slides it around your neck, and it feels more like a noose than a necklace.

“You look like a work of art,” he says, lips brushing your cheek. “…all pretty and marked up by yours truly.”

His hair tickles your face, and he slowly leans away, dragging his fingers over your lips. You wince when he roughly grabs your jaw, pressing his fingers into a tender spot that you know is already forming a bruise.

“Now, I’ll be back in a couple of hours, so don’t do anything stupid.”

He tightened his grip at the end of his sentence, and you flinched. He grinned at you as he lightly patted his other hand against your cheek, grin widening when you recoiled.

“Let’s not do anything like that again, alright, sweetheart?” he purrs. “I’d hate to have to really hurt ya.”

~

tags: @harryspet @sherrybaby14 @darkficreposter @xoxabs88xox  @opheliadawnwalker3 @honeychicanawrites @honeychicana @nickyl316h @captainchrisstan @sebabestianstan101 @readermia @villanellevi @lokislastlove @notyourtypicalrose @coconutqueen21 @hurricanerin @buckybarnesplumwhore @quaksonhehe @nerdygirl8203 @mandiiblanche @cocoamoonmalfoy​

[getitinbusan]

The September Session

18+ Jungkook Birthday Smut

The Studio Sessions Finale

A weekend birthday getaway in Jeju with Jungkook. A smut and angst filled finale to the Studio Sessions.

Words: 9075

Warnings: 18+ smut. M/F sex, M/F-F/F oral, unprotected sex, rough sex, swearing, cheating (?) poly relationship

"I don't think you can fit anything else in there. You know you're only going for 2 days right?" Yoongi picked up a pair of your lacy underwear and went for the free throw into your bag. "If I know anything about you and Jungkook, it's that you won't even need clothes."

"Only 2 days? Are you really that unbothered by me leaving?"

"I know how to pick my battles." He undid his zipper and gave you a crooked little smile. "You'll make it up to me."

"Will I now?" It was supposed to sound teasing but your knees were already on the hardwood. Pulling his soft cock out of his jeans, you wrapped your hand around him.

"You're gonna be a good girl and drain my cock before you leave, yeah?"

You tongued his tip as he grew harder twitching in your palm.

"Every last drop." You suctioned him soft and slow not wanting to leave him unfulfilled.

"Fuck, yeah…" his eyes were closed as he pumped himself into your waiting mouth.

Wanting to take it to the bed, you pulled back, but he stopped you by catching your hair. Wrapping his hand securely around it, he held you still and picked up the pace. Granting him full access to your throat, you dropped your drool-covered hands while he used your face to get himself off.

His deep moans and breathy exhales were his tell. His balls bounced off your chin and with the last few aggressive thrusts, he shot his hot load onto your waiting tongue.

"That was good." He tucked himself away into his pants and extended his hand to help you up.

"I've gotta go." He kissed your cheek. "I've got a meeting with that new group in 20 minutes. Have fun okay."

He opened the door and he was gone. No sexual reciprocation, no I love you, just a, "have fun."

It wasn't like him and you were left trying to determine if he was giving you the cold shoulder because he was upset or even worse, if he wasn't upset about you leaving at all.

An abrupt knock on the door broke you out of your thoughts. All worries were forgotten when you opened it to find Jungkook grinning ear to ear.

"Are you ready Noona? The car's gonna be here in 10 minutes."

Grabbing your bag off the bed, he flung it over his shoulder like it was nothing.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world. Have you thought about your birthday wish?"

He pulled you in with his free hand. "You've already made it happen. I can't believe I get you all to myself for 2 days."

You pulled the door shut behind you and kissed him. "I'm all about making birthday wishes come true."

The car rolled up the tarmac where the private plane sat in wait. The red-carpeted stairs extended, greeting you like royalty.

"You booked a private flight?"

His nose scrunched in happiness at your surprise. "Nothing but the best for you." He kissed the back of your hand before leading you up the stairs.

"You know this isn't supposed to be about me right?"

"I may have some ulterior motives." He said as he clicked his seatbelt into place.

"Yeah? Is this a mile-high club mission Jungkook?"

Even though your chairs were face to face and his eyes were hidden behind his bucket hat, his smile said it all.

"Trust the plan Noona."

Shortly after takeoff, the intercom dinged. "You may proceed to move around the cabin freely."

Jungkook unfastened his seatbelt and stood to lean over your seat. Grabbing the side lever, he reclined your chair back and moved in for a passionate kiss that immediately made your toes curl in anticipation.

Humming in delight he broke away and knelt on the floor. His fingers dragged delicately up your skirt. "What am I going to find under here, how well do you know what I like?" Pulling your thighs apart he sucked air through his grinning lips. "No panties. You really do know. "

"It's easy." You felt desperate for the pleasure you knew he was capable of inflicting. "We both always want the same thing."

"And what is it we want, Noona? Hmm, tell me."He was staring, lost in the sight of his fingers toying with your sex.

Reaching out you tipped his chin until his eyes locked with yours. God, you wanted to but couldn't.

You had to stop yourself from telling him that what you really wanted was more than 48 hours. You bit your tongue to keep it from spilling the words, "I want to run away with you and never go back." So instead, you went with what was easy and what you thought he wanted to hear. "I think we want to cum at 32,000 feet."

They must have been the words he was expecting because a devilish grin appeared at your response.

"48 hours," He lifted your foot to rest it on the seat." Of nothing," he lifted the other foot. Sliding his hands behind you, he pulled your hips forward. "but pure," He dropped his head and laid a long languid lick up your cunt.

"Pleasure." You finished the sentence not wanting him to use his mouth for anything else let alone words.

His hum of agreement sent shivers of anticipation down your spine. You gazed at his face intently. He liked when you watched. Splaying you open with his fingers, your engorged pink nub stood begging him for attention. You bit your lip trying to hold your noises in, squirming as he teased it with the tip of his tongue drawing slow circles around it.

You pulled at his long hair and begged, "Stop teasing me Kookie."

His mischievous amber eyes glinted under the cabin's bright lights. "It's an hour-long flight, and I forgot my headphones. You're just going to have to be my entertainment."

You hadn't touched each other in a while, and Yoongi had been too preoccupied with work to even notice you were around. Other than giving his pre-departure blow job you'd had no action in at least a week.

You knew if you whined enough he'd give in. "I can't be patient, when my pussy knows what it's been missing, Jungkook."

"You're spoiled," he mumbled into your cunt.

You tried to sit upright, but he held your hips down and stuck 2 fingers inside you.

"I'm spoiled? The last of the sentence trailed off quickly into soft submission under the strokes of his fingertips on your g spot.

"Is that better?" He took delight in knowing you were instant jello.

"I missed you."

His fingers kept a steady pace as he kissed you. Soft, constant, his tongue lingered, his mouth catching your moans.

"I just want you to feel good. Tell me where you want my mouth."

"Please Jungkook, you know what I want."

"Say it, for me, for my birthday." He was pouting in between kisses. "I just want to know that you want me."

"I want you so fucking bad Jungkook. I want you to suck on my tits and finger me until I cum."

He was grinding his cock against the edge of your seat when the plane started shaking.

"Please fasten your seatbelts. We're going through a patch of thermal turbulence that should only last a few minutes."The voice from the cockpit didn't phase either of you.

His free hand pulled your shirt up and your bra down, exposing your hardened nipples just above the lace cups. Grabbing the seatbelt, he clicked you in and pulled the strap tight. "Safety first," he barely muttered before locking on to your breast.

The plane shook violently, heightening every sensation. His fingers and the jolting of the plane had your pussy dripping down his hand. "Jungkook." Your moans were high and you couldn't care less if anybody heard. You were almost done. Watching him rut his hips against the vibration of the seat, eyes closed, as his mouth latched greedily at your chest was sending you into overdrive. "I'm gonna cum, are you gonna cum for me, baby?"

His face screwed up in pleasure and his moan was long and drawn. Seeing him reach his height, you clenched around his fingers as they continued their assault on your sex until you too were satisfied.

"Shit," he stood up revealing the huge wet spot in his jeans. "I don't have a change of clothes in my carry-on."

Undoing your seatbelt, you leaned forward and untucked his t-shirt making sure to kiss his abs along the way. Well, thank god for baggy shirts."

You tucked the last of your clothes inside the drawer. "So what's the first thing on our birthday weekend to-do list?"

"Well, there's parasailing, scuba diving, jet-skiing…." He kept listing.

"You know we can't do it all right? You're going to have to narrow down your choices a little."

"Aish, come on Noona. I brought you because I thought you could keep up."

You stood between his legs as he sat on the bed. "Is that why you brought me, Jungkook? Because we share an affinity for water sports?"

His hands groped your ass before he pulled you down on top of him.

"Amongst other things," he giggled while tickling you. "Jimin's fun to hang out with but he never puts out."

"Oh my god, Jungkook." You rolled your eyes and stood back up. "If we're going to get even one of those things on your list done we'd better leave now." You extended your hand to help him up. "Let's go."

____________________

You were soaked. Jungkook was taking great delight in the jumps he created by running the jet ski in circles over his own wake. Hanging on to his waist tightly you were surprised he could still breathe.

"Are you okay back there?" He stopped the watercraft to check-in. Do you want me to slow down?"

"Did you hear my safe word?" You took a teasing nip at his bare wet tricep."

"Not yet but I'd really like to."

A hot blush crept up your cheeks. It wasn't like Jungkook to suggest anything wild, and it threw you off.

"Are you asking?" You could see his ears turning red and he took a minute to answer.

"You're just hanging on so tight."

You didn't want him to hold back, so you prompted the response. "And…"

"The thought of me in control and you, a little scared, kind of turns me on."

Pressing your face against the expanse of his wet skin, you wondered if he could feel your smile.

"Do you see that island?"

You pointed. "I want you to take me over there."

"Do you want me to go fast?"

"I think we both want you to go fast."

"Then you should hold on."

As he restarted the jet ski your hands made their way back around him but this time they ended up in his shorts. Sneaking past the mesh liner, your fingers gave a little tug on his thick wet pubic hair. His already semi-hard cock came to life in your hand in anticipation of the attention it was about to receive.

There were no trespassing signs posted all around the small island. "I don't know Jungkook, maybe we should just go back and fuck in the room." You said it, not because you meant it, but because he wanted to play.

He pulled the ski up onto the shore. "You can't just tease me like that and make me wait, Noona. Let's go."

He began trekking into the patch of dense greenery, and you wondered if someone actually lived here.

Stopping just under sufficient cover of vegetation, he grabbed you and pulled your bathing suit bottoms down and pushed you against a nearby tree. "You're driving me crazy in this fucking bikini." He tugged his shorts down and needing no prep thrust himself into you.

The bark was rough against your skin, your back scraping with every upward thrust he pumped into you.

"Hello!" Echoed around you. "This is private property."

"Fuck, Jungkook, let's go!"

"I'm not done." He clamped his hand over your mouth. "Shhh, stop moaning so loud or they'll find us."

"I know you're out here I saw you seadoo on the shore." The voice carried across the island getting closer.

"Wrapping your leg around him, you grabbed his hair and moaned into his sweat-beaded neck. "We're gonna get caught, Kookie."

"Let them watch. I'm not stopping until I fill your cunt."

Your back felt raw, but the pleasure and pain of an adrenaline fuck was worth it.

"Are you afraid of someone seeing us? What happened to my brave girl?"

"Are you hurt, do you need help?"

The snapping sound of a twig breaking under a footstep was close. Too close, but also just enough of a thrill to spur on a hot flood of Jungkook's cum deep inside you.

Just as you got your bottoms back up the old man appeared.

"This is private property, are you looking for something?"

"Sorry," Jungkook turned on his charms." Our intake got clogged with some debris so we pulled over to clear it." He pointed at you, "you know women and their small bladders, she always has to go. She got scared when she heard you so we didn't answer. Sorry."

The old man laughed. "I've been married 4O years I know all too well.

You were surprised at Jungkook's ability to spin a story so quickly but more impressed that he was unflappable in his determination to cum at all cost.

Apologizing to the man once again you walked back to the jet ski.

"Shit are you okay?" He ran his fingertips gently down your back.

You stood on your toes and kissed his lips. "Did you hear my safe word?"

"I did not." He grinned.

"Well, I guess you'll just have to try harder next time."

____________________

His eyes rolled and he hummed in enjoyment. "Umm it's so good, it's like a dessert orgasm."

"I can't believe you're replacing me with chocolate." You pulled a pout. "Don't waste yourself on whipped cream Jungkook, I've got bigger plans for pleasure tonight."

"As much as I want to do unspeakable things to you, I'm not ready to go back to the room." He took the last bite and leaned back in his chair, stretching, completely satisfied. "I thought we could go to this place called Factory. Yugyeom told me it was really cool."

"Sounds fun." You couldn't help but grin at how naive his thinking was.

Licking your finger, you rubbed it through the powdered sugar on his plate and popped it in your mouth. "Silly you think we need a bed for me to get you off."

"You're a crazy woman."

"Crazy for you Jungkook."

The club was dark and crowded. He blended in well. The University students, looking to let loose for the weekend, offered a camouflage of anonymity he wasn't usually afforded in public spaces.

"Whiskey?" He took your hand and led you to the bar. "It's your weekend. I'm letting you call the shots." It was too loud to hear the groan you knew accompanied the eye roll at your bad pun but you were satisfied by his smile.

"To us." He clicked your glass.

The liquor went down smooth and warm, causing welcome tingles through your body. Coupled with the wine you'd had with dinner you'd hit the perfect peak of lowered inhibitions and pure bliss.

"Your glowing Noona." He kissed your forehead.

"And why wouldn't I be Kookie? I'm in paradise with my boyfriend. Come dance with me."

You noted the look of satisfaction on his face as he led you to the floor and wrapped his arms around you tightly. Nuzzling into your neck, he swayed with you slowly to a pace that didn't match the fast music of the club. Whether it was the alcohol or the sheer intoxication of longing you couldn't be sure, but you could feel his heart thumping against you.

Stopping completely, his hands cupped your face, and he stared into your eyes.

"What's wrong, Jungkook?"

His cheeks burned hot, and he was fighting his smile from appearing too eager. "Do you think you could call me your boyfriend again?"

You nodded. "I'd really like that."

His lips found yours and time stopped around you. Abandoning all common sense, you were both picturing what your together forever could look like.

He broke away out of breath and slightly overwhelmed.

"I think I'm ready to take you back to the hotel."

____________________

Stretching out naked and satisfied beside him you glanced at the clock, 12:36 am. You turned your head back and placed a kiss on his chest. "Happy birthday Kookie."

A little drunk and a lot in love you felt secure enough to ask. "Are you happy?

He let out a giggle, and you were 100% positive that if the lights were on his dimples would look like deep canyons etched into his cheeks.

"So happy…" his soft snores gave away just how content he was with the moment.

"I love you," you whispered. Maybe he wasn't awake but it counted. A full commitment to your feelings. Eager to reaffirm your words, you drifted off knowing that tomorrow you'd make sure he knew just how happy he made you.

"Where do you think you're sneaking off to?" He grabbed your hand and pulled you back down on top of him.

"I was getting up to call room service so you could have breakfast in bed." You feigned annoyance half-heartedly to getaway.

"Food can wait." He wrapped his arms around you and started kissing your neck. "It's the first time we've spent an entire night together. I really like waking up beside you."

"So you mean you don't want to go on that five-hour hike you booked months ago because you really, really, really wanted to do it?"

Surrendering into his stronghold, you teased him. "Because I'm totally okay just hitting up the spa."

He groaned in hangover.

"Shit. I totally forgot."

"Should I go order us some coffee and food now?"

"Probably."

"Are you going to let go of me?" You squirmed under his arm.

"Hmm...5 more minutes."He giggled, throwing his leg over you.

____________________

Pulling the car up to Mt. Hallasan you both stared at the daunting task before you. "Are you sure you can handle it?" He popped the trunk and grabbed your backpack.

"Do you doubt my abilities, Jeon?"

"Normally, no." He hoisted the bag onto your shoulders. "But this knapsack weighs a ton. Seriously, what's in here?"

"Mind your business and worry about yourself, sir." Raising his hands in apologetic surrender he closed the trunk, "Alright, let's get it!"

Trying to set a steady pace the timing had to work out just right. You couldn't tell if he was getting frustrated or being chivalrous, but at least once every half-hour he asked if you wanted him to take your bag.

"Did you know they don't let anyone climb after 1:30 because they don't want people stuck after sunset?"

"Is that your way of calling me slow, Kookie?" You stopped in your tracks and starred. "I didn't know you were so afraid of breaking the rules. Do you want to turn around and go back?"

"Noona, did you wake up this morning with the intention of being a pain in my ass?"

"That's just rude," you huffed. Arguing was one way to buy some time. "I can't believe you don't even appreciate that I'm out here climbing a fricken mountain for you."

"If you're serious, I'm sorry." He walked closer to you and kissed your cheek.

"It's fine." You walked away smiling. "Now if you'll stop stalling, we can still make the summit by sunset."

He paused, flabbergasted, but decided to stay quiet and move on.

____________________

Finally reaching your destination it was perfect. Sunset from the highest peak in Jeju was in full bloom. Everyone had been moved swiftly along by the trail guides, so it was just you, Jungkook, and the stunning view from 6388 feet above the world.

"Wow, look at this, Noona. We're on top of the world." He took off his backpack and dug for his camera.

"I feel that way whenever I'm with you, mountain or not." You tapped his shoulder and handed him the present you'd been carrying."

His eyes and smile were more dazzling than the sun glinting its way over the horizon. "Is this why you wouldn't let me carry the bag? It's so heavy."

"Open it!"

Tearing the paper off, his jaw dropped. "Is this a Hasselblad?"

You nodded. "Did I do good?"

"This is unbelievable! It's one of the best cameras in the world."

"I did a lot of research."

He was still in shock. "It's too much. I can't possibly accept this."

"Don't be silly Jungkook, It's all ready to go. I had them set it up for you. I was kind of hoping you'd take some pictures for us," You suddenly felt shy. "You know, so we can look back on this and remember how great it was."

"It's unbelievable. You're unbelievable!" All trepidation at accepting the gift forgotten, he began taking pictures.

By the time he was satisfied with the scenery, he turned to focus the lens on you.

His camera crosshairs found you sitting on the ground. A blanket, a bottle of wine and a cupcake with a candle. His smile peeked out from under the camera as he snapped your picture. "All this too?"

"I wish it was more but I could only carry so much." You passed him the bottle, "I couldn't fit cups, I hope you don't mind."

He leaned in for a kiss. "It's perfect. I honestly couldn't dream of a better day. Thank you."

"So are you going to get down here and blow out this candle before it's completely melted?"

He sat on his knees and closed his eyes. Concentration crept over his features until he seemed satisfied enough to blow.

"What could the man who has everything possibly wish for?"

He smiled brightly, "Don't jinx me. You know if I tell you it won't come true."

You wanted it to be about you, and you wanted it to come true so badly that you didn't ask any more questions.

"Come sit with me." He kissed the top of your head once you were settled, secure in his arms. "I should have gotten out of bed sooner. We could have had more time up here."

"You've got a few hours." You said it nonchalantly like you hadn't had to name-drop and beg the parks department.

"They're letting us hike after dark?"

"Sort of? There's an ATV waiting at the Seongpanak shelter we're going to use to get back down the mountain."

"I get to ride an all-terrain down the mountain?"

"Yeah, I thought you'd like that part."

____________________

The air in the room was cold as you stepped from the steamed-up bathroom. "It feels so good to get that hiking dirt off. You should have joined me.

"Rubbing the towel through your wet hair, you realized you were alone.

"Jungkook?" Checking through the suite's other rooms and even opening the hall doorway, he was nowhere to be found.

Glimpsing an out-of-place white shirt on the beach you made your way out the patio doors.

"Jungkook?" If he heard you coming, he didn't turn around.

Sitting behind him in the sand, you wrapped your arms and legs around him and squeezed. "It sure is a beautiful night." Sighing he leaned back to rest his head against you.

"Are you okay?" He didn't answer. He didn't need to. You could see the shimmer of his tears in the moonlight.

"What are we doing, Noona? How do we all come out of this happy?"

You wrapped your arms around him a little tighter.

"I don't know, Kookie. It was never supposed to be like this. I was silly to think I could ever resist your charms."

"Sure blame me."

At least he was grinning from your flattery now.

You ran your fingers through his hair and smiled trying to ease the heaviness.

"Do you see that Star up there?" The waves broke on the shore in the background. "I'm confident it will always lead me in the right direction."

"Like fate?"

"Like fate." You nodded, agreeing. "I'd really like to think that the universe had a reason to bring us together."

"What do you think the reason is?" Freeing himself from your embrace, he asked the question in all seriousness.

"Happiness." You answered like you knew. "Even if we can only have it in small increments."

"I can't believe you just live your life accepting that things will turn out. Does anything scare you Noona?"

It was against your better judgment, but his vulnerability always had a way of breaking down your walls. "Me?" You laughed. Perhaps he didn't know you as well as you thought.

"I'm terrified, Jungkook."

Taking notice of the new sadness in your eyes, he took your hand and held it patiently, waiting for your words.

"One day you're going to find someone who can give you their whole heart." The sobs came out loud and uncontrollably. "Without any compromises, you're going to finally have all the happiness and love you deserve. And I'll be watching it all from the sidelines, wondering if it could have been me."

"It can always be you. But that's your choice to make."

Salty tears fell down your cheeks, and you were too emotional for any words to come out coherently.

"Shhh, it's okay, I've got you." He encompassed you in his arms. "I'm sorry. Let's just enjoy the rest of our time here together." He looked at his watch. "We've still got 11 more hours before we have to give up the fantasy. Let's not think about the real world right now."

Raw, emotional and completely vulnerable. Everything you wanted in a man was right before you.

You sniffed feeling relieved the conversation, at least for now, was over. "11 hours huh? We can have sex at least 5 more times."

He stared with a look that almost bordered on pity. "You know I didn't ask you here just so we could have sex. I'm perfectly happy just getting to spend time with you."

"It's all I know, Jungkook. I don't know how to show people I love them without it." It was a sad truth. "Besides, you're really good at it."

A half-hearted smile graced his lips.

"Can we make an agreement?" He stood and reached to help you up.

"What's that?" You kissed him.

"What if instead of 5 times we just do it once. But properly."

Walking up the shore back to the room you kept stealing glances. His long dark curls and sun-bronzed skin shone in the moonlight accentuating his ethereal beauty. Your heart was happy and broken at the same time.

____________________

Laying naked in bed your heart was racing. You'd never felt nervous with Jungkook before, but this seemed different.

Something about your conversation on the beach had you playing the lyrics to "if I'd known it was the last time" through your head.

The sound of the shower shutting off struck a chord of permanence you weren't ready to face and a tear rolled off your cheek onto the pillow. Quickly wiping it away you didn't want your worry to ruin the last night you had together.

The bathroom door opened and Jungkook came out in a cloud of steam. Towel wrapped around his waist, the water droplets still clinging onto his chest made him look even more beautiful than you thought possible.

He smiled when he noticed your gaze and swiftly moved to untuck the small corner of terry cloth that secured his covering.

His lips were parted and his breath was heavy as he stood before you completely bare. His cock wasn't hard, and his display didn't even seem sexual. It was as if he was showing you his soul and you felt guilty not reciprocating his vulnerability.

Pulling the sheets back you swung your legs off the bed and walked over to where he stood. Face to face you pressed yourself against him, feeling his warmth radiate through you.

"I love you." He whispered.

Kissing down his chest you took your time letting your lips linger over every firm muscle. Licking hot wet stripes over his hardened nipples, his body shivered, goosebumps rising on his skin.

Not a word was spoken, you didn't need them. Everything was being said in a physical language that only the both of you were fluent in.

Your nose skimmed down the soft hairs that pathed his lower abdomen, his cock growing firmer the closer your mouth got to it.

Dropping to your knees, you took him in your hand stroking him reverently. Gorgeous and thick the freshly washed skin of his cock smelt like strawberries and you couldn't resist him a second longer.

Wrapping your lips around him, you sucked soft and slow. God how you wanted this to last all night.

"Noona." Your name slid softly out of his mouth while you suckled his length.

Lingering a bit longer, you wanted to remember how he looked right now. So full of pleasure, the kind only you'd ever given him. You hoped he'd never forget how good you were together.

When you stopped, he looked down and stroked your cheek. You could see in the deep brown sadness behind his eyes that he too was trying to harvest as many memories of the moment as he could.

He held his hand out to help you up and pulled you back in close to him. Tilting his head and displaying a sympathetic smile he didn't break eye contact as he danced with you towards the bed.

Despite the heavy air you couldn't help but giggle as he twirled you, lying you back onto the crisp white hotel sheets. Standing at the edge of the bed his large hands travelled down your thighs and spread them apart. It was his turn to take station on the floor. Starting at the inside of your knee he alternated kisses back and forth giving each leg equal attention until his mouth reached your needy mound.

As much as you wanted to watch, your eyes involuntarily clamped shut in pleasure as his tongue explored you.

A master with his mouth, he knew all of your hot spots. Circling your clit and teasing it to swollen attention he'd switch to slow methodical sucks, lips wrapped around your pink bud giving it head until you squirmed. As soon as you were close, he stiffened his tongue and fucked you with it, darting in and out and in.

As your legs started to shake at the onset of orgasm, a sign that he knew all too well, he revoked his mouth. Climbing on the bed he helped you pull your legs up and lay beside you. His hands travelled over your body slowly committing every one of your curves to his memory. His fingertips on your skin sent white lightening to your brain and his mouth latching onto your nipple made your insides roll like thunder.

"Jungkook…"

"Shhh.." He placed his mouth on yours and your heart panged at how much you missed his lips when they weren't attached to yours. As skilled as he was at everything else tongue-related, you wouldn't trade his kisses for any other sexual act in his repertoire.

Pausing his kiss, he locked his eyes with yours. A silent "are you ready?" passed between you.

With a simple nod, you pulled him back to you. His body moving from beside you to on top of you had your head reeling. The longing for satisfaction was fighting with your desire to drag this on all night.

You surrendered. You needed to stop thinking and to let yourself go to what you knew would be your last time.

Tipping your chin he once again connected to your longing lips while his hands slowly travelled down your thigh. Raising your leg and hooking it over his arm he created the perfect angle for entrance.

Pushing slowly, his girthy length slid into your sex and he paused.

Eyes closed, time stood still. The heavy anticipation hung in the air like a storm cloud.

He kissed you. Kissed you like it was the first time, the last time. His lips not once leaving yours as he softly made love to you.

You couldn't cum and you didn't care. The connection you were feeling with him right now was better than any orgasm.

You knew he was close and your heart was breaking at the realization that this was it. You didn't want him to think he hadn't satisfied you because he had. He had in so many more ways than you ever thought possible. Moaning in unison you cried out one last time as he filled you with a future that wasn't meant for you.

The kisses lingered until the activities of your long day finally defeated his longing to stay awake. His chest rose and fell with what you wished was a peaceful sleep.

Laying tucked under his arm, your cheek rested just over his heartbeat. "I love you too."

You'd both been awake a while but you lay in silence trying to absorb whatever last remnants of the weekend you could. Someone had to speak first, so you took the hit.

"We should probably get out of bed. Our flight leaves in 2 hours."

His fingers intertwined with yours and he lifted your hand to his lips.

"You were wrong on the plane, you know." He sighed and placed a small kiss on your knuckles. "When you said we always want the same thing."

You wiggled out of his embrace and propped yourself on an elbow to interrupt him. "Don't we? I thought we had a really good time this weekend."

"I did, but," he looked like he might cry. "You're lying there thinking about going home, and I'm running schemes through my head about how I can find a way for us to stay."

"Jungkook," you collapsed back into his side. "You know that's not how this works." A tear slipped from your eye and you hoped he wouldn't notice it. "We've had a good couple of days, let's not ruin it with what if's."

"All I have are what if's Noona.

I don't understand why you won't choose me."

You'd never seen him this upset before.

"Yoongi Hyung, he doesn't deserve you. If you were mine, I'd never share you. You'd get everything you needed from me, and you wouldn't have to go anywhere else to find it."

"It's not that simple, Jungkook."

"Well, it seems pretty simple to me. The only reason I can think of is that you don't really love me the way I love you."

Pulling away from him, you tucked your knees into your chest and wrapped your arms around yourself. His words made you feel like a small piece of nothing.

"Please don't ever believe that...I couldn't stand the thought of you not knowing how much I fucking love you."

He didn't move to comfort you, and you could tell this conversation wasn't going to steer easily. He was building a wall around his heart and you could feel it getting further away from you with every passing minute.

"Have you ever thought about what would actually happen if I left Yoongi for you?"

"Yeah, every damn day. We'd be happy, he'd get over it," He snapped defensively.

I'm not talking about you and me, Jungkook. I'm talking about you and him. Do you ever think about that? I can already see that this is fracturing your relationship with him."

He dropped his head in realization, still not looking you in the eye.

"Why are you doing this now?" Crying uncontrollably the words barely got out. "Why can't we just keep going on like this? I thought we were happy? I thought we were in love?"

His breath was shaky,

"I brought you here because I had to see. I pulled out all the stops to woo you and it still wasn't enough."

"So on the plane when you said, "trust the plan" you knew that it was going to end in an ultimatum? That even If I didn't choose you at least you'd get fucked a few more times?"

He stood his ground, face stoic until he finally looked at your tear-stained cheeks. His jaw relaxed and his sadness finally revealed itself.

"I can't be second place. Not with something that matters so much to me. Not with you."

He got out of bed and headed to the shower. "We'd better hurry up. Like you said, we don't want to miss our flight."

Other than formalities the next few hours were mostly empty.

Standing, waiting for your bags, Jungkook finally broke his silence.

"I sent Yoongi a message asking him to come get you. I think I'm gonna spend some time at my condo for a bit."

Perching the Sunglasses that disguised your swollen eyes on the top of your head, you gave it one last try. "I Love you Jungkook. Please don't do this…"

"We both know I'm not enough. What do you want from me?"

You were hyperventilating.

"I don't want to lose you."

He kissed your cheek in a way that seemed like it might be a real goodbye. "We both know there's only one way that can happen."

Grabbing the handle of his suitcase, he turned back a final time. "I had a really great birthday. I guess I'll see you around."

Making your way to the second Suburban in the pickup line, you stood and watched as Jungkook pulled away in the first. How were you going to hide how sad you were from Yoongi?

The driver came around and opened your door to expose the emptiness of the huge van.

"Where's Yoongi?"

"Sorry, we only received an airport pick-up call, ma'am. Will you be going back to the HYBE building today?"

"No, thanks. I don't think that I will."

____________________

Y/N: Hey

MIN: Hey! Sorry I couldn't come to meet you. So much work.

MIN: I hope you had a good time. MIN: Come down to the studio when you get back.

Y/N: I was thinking it would be nice for us to spend some alone time at the condo.

Y/N: Could you come after work? Take a few days off?

MIN: I can't just pick up and leave right now, but I'll see what I can do.

His lack of effort was really beginning to hurt.

Y/N: Whenever you can, I guess.

The blackout curtains were betraying you. The opening between the panels was just wide enough for a ray of sunlight to hit you directly in the face.

You yawned, "Yoon, I think we need to move to an underground bunker." Rolling over you were reminded by the cool smooth sheets that even though the condo was 10 minutes away from work he couldn't be bothered to come home yet again.

You reached for your phone. No messages.

Y/N: Hey babe, where are you? I haven't seen you for days.

The floor was cold as you made your way barefoot across the kitchen to start the coffee.

Still no response. Your stomach felt uneasy, he'd usually at least text. Picking up the phone you dialled.

"Hello?" His voice was raspy like he'd just woken up.

"Hey, I'm a little confused why I'm the only one here." You tried to keep your tone light, despite your aggravation.

"I'm sorry. I was heading out last night and PDog asked for help. He's trying to write for the new girl group and the lead's vocal style isn't meshing with his flow. I sat in on their session to see if I could help."

"Yoongi, are you ever going to take a break?"

"This is why I didn't text you. I don't need a lecture about it. They have a debut date and shit needs to get finished."

He sounded aggravated and if you had to guess he was most likely pushing his hair back, an anxious habit he had recently developed.

"I wish you'd work on us as much as you worked on your music."

"I thought you'd be thrilled that I'm busy. Where are your other boyfriends?"

You were crying again. "You're right Yoongi. I'd have to be absolutely stupid to want to spend any quality time alone with you."

"Fuck, Y/N. I'm sorry. I'm tired, okay?"You could hear him cover his phone but managed to make out a mumbled "I'll meet you downstairs." There was a pause and a door clicking shut. "When I'm done, I'll drive over and we'll spend the rest of the week together OK? I love you."

"You frustrate me to no end, Min Yoongi." You sighed at your own inability to stay angry with him. "I love you too."

____________________

Tired of opening one app after another, you tossed your phone on the couch beside you. You could sit here all day waiting for Yoongi, who probably wasn't going to show up anyway, or you could just head back to the dorms.

Even if he did manage to get away, his mind would still be on work. He'd just be trading one studio for another, and you knew he preferred the new HYBE equipment. At least there you could hang out with whoever was still around.

You were sure Jungkook would be at home. Joon was art hopping in Seoul, and Jin was in Uncle mode helping his brother settle in for their soon-to-be new baby. Everyone else would most likely be hanging around the offices.

Y/N: I'm incredibly bored, Jimin. I'm coming to visit.

Chim: Ohhhh, I'll play with you! I've got a new toy I think you might like.

Y/N: Intrigued 🤔

Chim: I'll be in the lounge. See you in ½ an hour?

Slinging the heavy duffle bag of things, you needed to return to Jungkook over your shoulder, you waited for the elevator. Just as it pinged Jimin came bouncing up the hall.

"What are you doing? Where are you going? I told you I have a surprise!"

"Can I just bring this stuff upstairs first?"

Breaking out the dimples and a cute head tilt he stared with puppy eyes until you agreed to follow.

You hurled the bag into his arms. "Fine but this better be good."

Pushing open the door he raised his eyebrows and grinned. "Ladies first!"

Stepping into the room, you were sure your jaw was almost on the floor. You pushed him backwards and slammed it shut behind you.

"Jimin what the fuck? There's a naked girl in there!"

He frowned at your unexpected reaction. "You don't like your present?"

"I really don't know what's going through your head. Who is she? You know you can't just do this with strangers."

"NDA's!! She's one of the new trainees, if she talks she'll get fired."

You scoffed at him. "No abuse of power there. This is a real dick move, Jimin."

"Well, it's not just me."

Your heart dropped into your stomach. "Who else?"

You watched his Adam's apple bulge in his throat with a hard swallow. He was clearly choosing his words carefully.

"Hobi"

"and?"

"Taehyung and I have already…" His words trailed off

"and?"

"That's it. I swear."

"Not Jungkook?" The thought turned your stomach.

Jimin rolled his eyes "You're kidding right? Jungkook is too whipped for you to even look at anyone else."

You sighed in relief but began to internally ponder why your first reaction was to ask about Jungkook and not Yoongi.

"I just…I don't understand why you'd think this is okay."

"You do crazy stuff with all of us all the time. I thought you'd be impressed."

Plopping onto the bench in the hallway, you were really taken aback.

"Jimin, I thought we were all in this together. A poly relationship doesn't include bringing in strangers. All of you sleeping with her is exposing me without my consent. I'd never do that to any of you."

He sighed like you had missed the point. "This is me asking for your consent. Yoongi thought you’d be down for it and that…"

"That what?" Your jaw was clenched. "You're my best fucking friend, Jimin, you'd better not lie to me."

He stammered in defeat. "That if I could get you and her together it would be easier to have her join in whenever with whoever."

"So Yoongi orchestrated this? Like this is an actual fucking conversation that took place between you?"

He knew he was fucked.

"Please don't tell him you know."

"Oh, I'm not gonna tell him anything."

Anger, blinding rage? Whatever it was motivating you, you pushed open the door and smiled. "Let's do this then."

Standing up she walked towards where you stood. Jimin, clearly surprised by the turn of events, was already hard and smiling while palming himself over his pants.

"What took so long? Jimin said you were always down to fuck." She was bold; it felt as If she was challenging you.

"Just trying to make sure you were screened. Dime a dozen groupie girls like you come riddled with diseases these days."

Grabbing her face tightly in your hand you kissed her hard before directing her backwards. "I'm the one in charge here. This is my game. If you want to play with the big kids, you'd better get back to the couch so I can see if that tongue is good for anything other than talking shit."

She smiled and lay back as Jimin undid his pants. Grinning like a high-school kid having sex for the first time, he stood stroking his cock while you pulled up your skirt and straddled her face.

He walked closer to you waving his dick at your mouth like he was on a fishing expedition.

"I don't think so. If I'm disposable, so are you."

"Can I at least fuck her then?"

You made him wait a bit before you answered. Making sure to play up your pleasure you threw your head back and closed your eyes while moaning. "You know Jimin, I think you made a mistake. I don't know if I'll need any of you if I can have this whenever I want it."

It was a lie. You were so angry you couldn't think straight let alone feel pleasure right now but you wanted it to sting.

You felt her smile slide over your wet pussy and she stuck her tongue in deep for good measure. It pissed you off that she thought she was winning you over.

"Go ahead Jimin, use her."

Excited that his plan was finally working, his demeanour changed back to how he'd met you at the door.

She spread her legs wide for him while he knelt between them on the couch.

"Stop! Where's the condom Jimin?" You scolded him. "You can't just raw dog a rando."

She laughed, and it made your blood boil. "Yoongi never mentioned how controlling you are. No wonder he wants to add me into the mix."

You froze, staring at Jimin. You were livid and couldn't believe any of them would want to have anything to do with her.

Getting up you calmly smoothed your dress back down your legs.

"Oh shit. You didn't know? I figured you pieced it together when you called this morning as I was leaving." She smiled coyly. "Sorry he hasn't been making it home the last few nights."

You thought back to your conversation this morning. He said, "I'll meet you downstairs." The dorms were on the upper levels, the studios on the lower.

You wanted to smack the smug look off of her face but instead walked out slamming the door.

Wiping tears away frantically, the facial recognition on the elevator wasn't processing you through your turmoil. The doors slid open and you ducked inside just as Jimin ran out to stop you.

Standing behind the closed doors you had to decide, Confront or hide? Your finger hovered, shaking as you pressed, Floor 12.

Running quickly you punched the memorized code into the keypad. Turning the handle you slid inside hoping to god that Jungkook wouldn't be there.

Resting your head on the door, you could barely breathe. What were you going to do?

Taking a deep breath you inhaled the comforting scent of Jungkook that permeated the walls of his Golden Closet Studio. You felt so stupid, you'd ruined everything with him and for what?

The knock startled you and you almost gasped revealing your hiding spot. You could hear them in the hall outside.

"She knows he's not here; she probably went back to the condo to get her things."

"I can't believe how badly you fucked this up, Jimin."

Jimin must have alerted Yoongi to the issue. The two men were now seemingly combing the building trying to find you.

"Me? I'm not the one who cheated, don't blame me."

Yoongi's voice was calm instead of sad. Damage control mode, you'd heard it before. It made you question if he was as worried about losing you as he was with protecting his career and the company from this scandal. "I didn't cheat. We only talked about it."

"I don't think Y/N sees that as any different Hyung."

"This is so bad." Hitting what was presumably his head against the door, the thud echoed around the room. "You'd better get your ass into Hitman Bangs office right now and explain to him why his latest girl group suddenly needs a new lead. We can't keep her around if she's going to act so indiscreetly."

"You have to fix this Yoongi. You know how much we all need Noona."

You heard the ding of the elevator and presumed they had both moved on but the quiet was broken when your phone vibrated, shaking the contents of your purse. Seconds later Yoongi's voice cut through the silence, he was leaving you a voicemail.

"I know you're angry. You have every right to be. Can we just talk about it? Give me a chance to explain myself. Tell me where you are, and we'll figure this out okay?"

You'd have to face him sooner or later, so you opened the door.

"Hey."

He looked relieved. "Hey. Can I come in?"

You nodded and held the door wide for him to enter.

"Jungkook's not here?"

You chewed your lip trying to stop yourself from having a complete breakdown. "No, he doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. I made it pretty clear that I would always choose you and he didn't take that so well."

"Fuck. I'm such an asshole. I had no idea." He couldn't look you in the eye, so he turned away. "How the hell did it come to this Y/N?"

You wanted to be mad, but you couldn't, you knew you were both to blame. Pressing your face into his back your tears left wet marks on his t-shirt. "I think we both know the answer to that."

"I should have let you go. I knew you were happier with him, but my pride didn't want to lose you like that."

"Yoongi, it's not all your fault."

"It is, though. The minute I felt relieved that I didn't have to put as much effort into our relationship anymore is the minute we should have had this conversation."

He turned to face you and wrapped his arms around you.

"I love you, and I need you to know that I didn't cheat on you. I thought about it but only because I was upset that you were with Jungkook."

You tried to interrupt, to defend yourself but he continued.

"I'm not blaming either of you. You two belong together."

You were frustrated that he couldn't have come to this conclusion sooner. "Well unfortunately, it's too late for that. He fucking hates me now."

The keypad beeped, and Jungkook, looking worn and sad, walked in apparently having overheard your last statement.

"I could never hate you Noona."

Your heart flipped in your chest. You didn't think you'd ever get to see him again.

"I owe you an apology Jungkook. I should have stepped aside when I saw how much you loved her."

Putting his hand on Jungkook's shoulder, Yoongi turned and gave you one last smile. "She needs you, go and take care of your girl."

Closing the door behind him, Yoongi took his leave.

"I'm sorry I came up here. I didn't know where else to go." You brushed the tears that had begun falling away with your fingertips. "I'll go."

He grabbed your hand, so you couldn't walk out. "No! There's no way I'm letting you go this time. I've been miserable the last few days without you."

It was his turn to cry. "Jimin sent me a message and said they needed help finding you. I got so scared that id never see you again."

He pulled you into his arms and kept placing small kisses on top of your head while apologies streamed from his lips.

"I'm so sorry. I swear I never had any intention of ending things when we went to Jeju. I didn't want to give you up but everything you said made sense and I didn't want to hurt Yoongi either."

"I love you so much Jungkook." Your body shook while you sobbed in his arms. "I'm so fucking sorry if I hurt you."

Picking you up in a bear hug he walked you to the couch. "I missed you so much, can we just lay here together for a while? I just want to hold you"

"I don't think we should, actually."

He pulled back, a puzzled look across his face.

"I'm so tired of dorm rooms and studios, Jungkook. I think it's time we try out something more permanent, you know? Just us. Like home?"

The sparkle in his eyes returned. "Like our home, because you're mine now?"

Your heart was full. You didn't need or want anything or anyone else.

"I'm all yours."

[written-beyond-the-grave]

Mikaelsons Black History Month

First off, I’m starting by saying that even though it is no longer Black history month it will always be melanin everyday and black people every day. And everything else under the sun, and if you don’t like it then the exit is to your left. Everything you own in the box to the left

Being part of the Mikaelsons is very fickle business and be some bs. Like really, you’re here with supernatural beings who are over 1000 years old. Who have traveled the world, gained endless knowledge, seen a lot of bloodshed, but you know what they haven’t seen? Their token human (black ofc) being ignant for black history month, I mean who even fully celebrates? How does one even celebrate?

Granted, they’re not racist. But with the writing Julie Pleck did she was playing honestly. That was the worst writing I've ever seen since who knows when. Maybe the nine lives of Chloe king or something? But in my originals universe they were probably racist in the beginning to an extent then grew out of it.

Anyways, they never met someone who celebrated until they met you!

Now repeat after me: I’m black y’all, and I’m black y’all. And I’m black and black and black y’all! FYM

Now…. picture this: A moderately quiet day in the Mikaelson household. Kol is minding his business for once, Rebekah is trying to find the perfect pics for her next instagram post, Elijah is enjoying a good read, and Klaus is organizing his art materials. But then here comes you, the human, opening the door and walking right in like you pay bills (none of them do but you get the picture) in the midst of the most deadly people. Walking in and greeting everyone, walking in with the most hotep, Dr. Umar bullshit getup they ever seen. Coming to America headass.

They recognize your footsteps from a mile away, so when you walk into the kitchen and no one really looks up at first it’ll be a sight to see a whole ass pelted lion on your back. The kente cloth hat (no idea the actual name for it, sorry babes), a saber tooth necklace (for my mans T’Challa), and the red stiletto nails with the afro out here banging.

SHEEEEEEEEESH

Once Elijah is done with his page he looks up to greet you, but then stops… Bitch, fuck is you wearing? This was worlds away from the sweats, and skinny jeans you wore on the daily.

“Greetings Y/N you look…. Fashionable.” Mans didn’t know what to say. Did he miss something about your Africna roots? Was there a holiday he hadn’t heard of, doubt it, but what else was there?

“Thank you Elijah.” You fluff out your lion pelt for added effect, if there was ever going to be one time you outdo the Mikaelsons’ especially Elijah in being dramatic with a coat or cloak of somesort, it would be now.

At this point the Kol and Rebekah have already looked up and were confused. Why are you dressed like that?

Kol is the first one to speak up “Darling, Rebekah likes a fashion show more than anyone, but why do you have a lion… on your shoulder.”

Lifting up your large ass shades you supplied an answer: “Black History Month”

They all looked at each other… they didn’t get it. Like they know what it is, but never actually understood how to celebrate and all that nor did they ever actually give it mind. When you saw that they weren’t making a connection, you started phase 1.

“Alexa, you know what to do.”

And there goes their manor playing: NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA I’M ONE HUNDRED PERCENT NIGGA

LMFAOOOOO you got the white people shook. Klaus just dropped one of his expensive ass bottles of art sealants and is vamp speeding to the kitchen to figure out what the hell is going on. Elijah having a mid century crisis on how tf they even found you and deemed you worthy of being in their presence so casually. Kol is having fun in the back, still laughing at your get up. And Rebekah wishes she went to the mall instead, she wanted a girl bestie and got you instead rip

“WHAT IN BLAZES- Y/N WHAT ARE YOU DO- WHAT ARE YOU WEARING! ALEXA STOP THE MUSIC-” And the big bad wolf has arrived. You put your finger to Klaus’ lips which stuns him bc… you’re still HOOOMAN like damn, death wish much? And you look this man, straight in his mit and say “Looks at, look at me” and pause for dramatic affect, “I am the captain now”

Room silent as hell till Kol starts cackling

You’ve made Dr. Umar proud, the ancestors are shining on you once again

With that you lead into a whole speech about the black struggle and black history month, bottom line: REPARATIONS. Because being the only nigga in the Mikaelsons (we don’t claim Marcel) is exhausting, white people shit everyday that you complain about in their faces

TBH at this point they’re indulging you in this escapade.

First victim is Elijah, you ask for his wallet. He gives you a look, I mean he does technically give you what you want and whatever (when y’all dating, refer back to my dating Elijah post), so he ask you why. Reparations sis why, but then you stop yourself. This man gives you his wallet every other day, half the time you not even asking. What could you rob this man of…. Ah. You ask him for the deed of one of his estates in Prague, why? Because you bitches can’t even spell Prague. And under section S line 45 subsection Y it does state that estates are eligible for reparations. Fuck 40 acres and a mule, you got 300 acres, some stallions in the back, a quite possibly haunted mansion, and a heavy dicked (yeah I said it, a sis been trying to reality shift) original who will turn you out by the end of the day and the end of the month…. Wait till women's history month boo

We know his pockets figgity fat, and it would be figgity wack to not get some

Ngl you take Kol with you so he can buy you food. Granted, he knows what you’re doing, but if he’s going to spend money on anything it will be thawed and it will be music. However, one thing leads to another and you’re both at Wal-Mart waiting to find a parking spot. You stole one off a white minivan trying to move in. Not thinking anything of it because who in this small ass Mystic Falls ass, clown ass town really about it? Apparently Karen.

But you know who else what about it? Kol (tbh mans had nothing but time, and he claims you so why tf not.) he out here NY stomping on her and coming at her for badly glued extensions. Cheap ass bitch, ain’t even blend in correctly.

After that Kol and you left with some groceries, a new story to tell, and a chopped cheese.

With Klaus, he frfr wasn’t finna do shit. Being ordered my a human? Lmfao, go find another simp sis. But… once you suggest that his art skills may not be up to par on what you have in mind as a new family room piece for your house he’s all ears. He knows what you’re doing, but… he still wants to prove you wrong. But anyways, you give him a theme… reverse racism. IK y’all, it’s not a thing, but mans has ideas. And he outdoes himself. That and the recreation of the moorish chief bc that man...mmmmm that man was giving.

Ok so Google wanna hoe me, but there was a painting of a black man in a kkk cloak and behind him were white people being hung from a tree. Say what you want, but that photo was fire. If any of you seen it please share it below.

Anyways

Rebekah tbh wants no part in this, but I feel like she’d gave when you ask her to give you all the finest dresses bc it’s an excuse to exhaust Klaus’ money.

Through the month you give the Mikaelsons a run for their money, and maybe sanity. Klaus is in the back trying to research who tf Dr. Umar is and why is he your inspiration

They had to pull you back when the sheriff asked you for your ID. You ask why you needed white man paperwork!

You are pleasing the spirits, what bonnie could never do lmfaooooo. The powers of you enemies aren’t prospering this month nor next month.

You’re not poor this month, anything you poor of is pouring a little more (bars nigga)

LMFAOOOO imaging asking the fam to go to paris, like, they not invited it’s a self trip funded my the Mikaelson Y/N Trust Fund of Public Decency ™

Klaus would be the first one to speak because this man is TIRED, “Love, why do you need a trip to paris? What’s in Paris?”

Knowing better, you look to Kol to answer the question, “I don’t know, Kol, who’s in Paris?” Niggas b. Niggas in paris…. Lemme chill

LMFAOOO enjoy

[joontopia]

Find You Now | KSJ Oneshot - Preview

pairing: kim seokjin x female reader

genre: smut, angst, dashes of fluff

au: ex childhood friends to lovers, college drop out

rating: explicit, nsfw, 18+

current word count: 7K and growing

preview word count: 1.5K (unedited)

fic warnings: TBD

preview warnings: slight angst, slight pining

summary:  It’s been 4 years since the last time Seokjin has seen you. Four long years since he has seen your face, since he’s heard your voice, since he left you behind in your small hometown to find himself. But the only thing he found was how empty his life was without you. Following the downfall of his most recent relationship and the news of his brother’s engagement, Seokjin’s back home looking to fix the mistakes he tried to escape. To fix the friendship he lost, the pain he caused, and to find his happiness again. If only he could find you now.

This is a part of the Not A Phase Collab hosted by @suhdays​ - Inspired by the song Ocean Avenue by Yellowcard

Release Date: By Monday May 31st, 2021

It’s just past midnight as Jin pulls into his mom’s driveway, softly closing every door of his car as he gets out and retrieves his suitcase from the trunk. He turns slowly, taking in the stillness and quiet of the street he grew up on, stopping the moment his eyes fall on your house across the road. Not much has changed about your house, save for the vacancy of your car. Your typical parking spot in your parent’s driveway is empty, leaving Jin to wonder if you’re not home or if your father finally cleaned out the other half of the garage, allowing you to park inside.

From the faint illuminance of the street lights, he’s able to see the hibiscus bushes that line the outside of your home. The flowers not yet in bloom due to the time of year. His eyes shift over to the cherry blossom tree at the corner of your yard, sight trailing up its growth until his gaze ends at the highest point. The top of the tree still reaches just above your bedroom window on the second floor. Jin’s lips twitch up into a smile as a memory surfaces in his mind.

6 years earlier

“It was intentional. I’m telling you!” You rant, pouting as you stab your spoon into the cup of ice cream in Jin’s hand.

You’re sitting next to each other outside of the local ice cream shop, sharing two big scoops of chocolate and strawberry that had cost Jin the last of his weekly allowance. You had begged him to take you out for a treat, having just endured one of the most awkward conversations with your parents, promising him that he could choose the flavor as a form of sweet talk to get him to agree. He ended up getting a scoop each of both you and his favorites, his heart fluttering at the sight of your bright smile when he joined you outside on the park bench. The moment Jin handed you a spoon, you immediately dived in, a mixture of the two flavors disappearing into your mouth in a flash. A subtle hum of satisfaction slips past your lips from the taste. Jin shakes his head as he smiles, dipping his own spoon in for a scoop. “Chocolate and Strawberry is a match made in heaven. Two favors that go together perfectly. Like best friends, just like us,” you would say each time Jin asked you about your favorite indulgence.

You remove the spoon from your mouth, waving it around in the air as you share with Jin the scarring conversation with your parents that led to this impromptu outing. They finally decided it was time you had ‘the talk.’ If the topic at hand wasn’t bad enough, your dad even shared with you how he used to sneak out his childhood bedroom, your current bedroom, to meet up with your mom. Information that you stated you’d be better off never knowing.

“Did you know there used to be a big oak tree there? Branches so thick, dad brags about how easily they held his weight as he climbed down them,” you grumble. Jin’s eyes are on you, nodding along to your story as he listens. His attention is slightly distracted the moment he feels your hand cover his causing the both of you to hold the ice cream bowl together as you try to steady it, scooping up a generous portion of the treat with your spoon. The subtle touch redirects his mind from your words to his surroundings, suddenly aware of how closely you two were sitting next to each other on the bench.

It’s not unusual for the two of you to be this close to each other, having known one another since you were in diapers. But now at the age of 16, Jin can only blame it on teenage hormones. What else would explain his rise in blood pressure being this close to his best friend? Surely not the intoxicating scent of your perfume. The one he quickly recognizes as the very brand he got you for your birthday last year. Nor the change in how you do your makeup, the natural tones and faux bare minimum style accentuating your facial features. Allowing your natural beauty to shine.

Jin observes as you bring the plastic utensil up to your mouth again, turning the spoon upside down at the last second before placing it on your tongue, your glossed, plush lips closing before pulling the now clean spoon from between them. He watches as the tip of your tongue peeks out, swiping at a rogue drop of melted chocolate ice cream on your bottom lip and he’s momentarily mesmerized. Lost in wonderment at how his favorite flavor would taste from your lips. He’s brought back to reality from a painful thump on his forehead, the result from where you flicked him with your fingers.

“Yah! Are you even listening?” you scold him, doing a terrible job at stifling your giggle from the pout that forms on Jin’s lips as he rubs his wound. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“What’s the big deal? I thought you liked the Cherry Blossom tree,” Jin asks, ears turning red as he looks away from you. Scooping a hefty amount of ice cream into his own mouth to avoid answering the second part of your question. You roll your eyes at him and continue in your rant. Jin quietly lets out a small sigh of relief at you letting his obvious avoidance go.

“I did like it. LOVED it even. My dad said he had the old oak tree removed and the new tree planted shortly after learning I was going to be a girl. But now I just see it as a traitor tree. With branches not thick enough to let me sneak out.” You’re back to pouting, Jin catching the down turn of your lips from his peripherals. How badly he wants to kiss that frown away, the sudden urge to see you smile filling his thoughts.

He hadn’t realized he turned towards you, fully facing you with his spoon in his mouth until you were speaking to him through a fit of giggles, the sound of your amusement like music to his ears. “What are you thinking about, Jinnie?”

Jin is at a loss of words the moment his gaze meets yours. Your eyes full of genuine curiosity as you look up at him, a soft smile one your lips as you wait for him to answer. A slight breeze picks up, causing loose strands of your hair to blow into your face. On instinct, Jin reaches with his free hand, moving your hair back and tucking it behind your ear. Not missing your tiny gasp as your cheeks turn a soft pink from the intimate action. “Have you always been this beautiful?” he thinks to himself as he lets his fingers linger on your cheek. Unsure if it’s just wishful thinking, he swears your face is getting closer to his. Not able to tell if it was from him leaning in or you or both. The moment is suddenly broken by the sound of a car horn blaring from somewhere behind you, causing the two of you to jump slightly back from each other as Jin drops his hand from your face. Clearing his throat, Jin spoons another helping of ice cream into his mouth before passing the bowl towards you.

“Well,” he says, breaking the tension between you two as you take the ice cream from him, “Guess we’ll just have to think of another way for you to sneak out then.”

The smile you award him knocks the breath right out of lunges. The beauty of your happy expression being the most wonderful thing Jin has seen all day. A similar smile reactively graces his face, telling himself then and there that he wants to only ever make you look at him that way all the time.

A somber feeling takes over Jin as he brings himself out of his memory. Turning back towards his house, he walks up to the front door, quietly turning the key and going inside. Locking the door behind him, he carries his suitcase up the stairs, his head turned down the whole way to his old bedroom. He hadn’t kept his promise to himself, so easily breaking it only two years after making it. Entering his room, Jin drops his suitcase on the ground and closes his door. Falling onto his bed, he hopes that once he is able to find you, you will grant him the mercy and honor for him to redeem himself. Allowing him to see that beautiful smile once again.

[ttttaehyungie]

secret santa | kth x reader

secret santa | kim taehyung x reader

genre | bff2l, fluff

summary | What you thought was an ingenious plan to figure out the perfect gift for your secret santee turns out to take a whole bunch of wrong turns, but with the best outcomes.

rating | NC-17

word count | 6.2k words

warnings | some profanities (it’s like... once LOL), mentioned breakups, it’s Christmas in the context of a pandemic

a/n | Merry Christmas everybuddy 🎄✨ here is a lighthearted (or at least it was until i hit the 6am point of the night while writing slkdjflkjd) lil christmas gift to everyone, but mostly to myself LOL bcos I’m finally posting a fic about the one who owns my heart in its entirety 😌

Christmas without you would just not be Christmas at all

Bright mistletoes up above us, it’s just you and me

-- V, Snow Flower

“C’mon, ____,” Taehyung whines. He plops down on the couch next to you and puts his big, round eyes to good use, giving you the puppy dog eyes treatment.

Well too bad for Taehyung, having known him for the last decade has granted you immunity against his pouty antics. There’s a couple of things that Taehyung employs in a bid to get what he wants. First, he’ll whine. Next, he’ll attempt to reason it out with you… or as much as he can convincingly reason with the pout still laced thick in his tone. If that fails, he’ll try bargaining. And finally, if none of the aforementioned has managed to sway you, he’ll just pout in silence.

“That’s the thing about Secret Santas, Tae, they’re supposed to be, y’know, secret.”

“Well, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me who your santee is!” he exclaims, throwing his hands in the air.

There it is. Stage two.

You ignore him and return to scrolling through Amazon in what you hope is a nonchalant manner.

“What if I guess who it is?” he tries.

When you don’t reply, he continues, “Is it Hoseok?” He runs a hand through his golden locks in thought. “No, buying for Yoongi is easy because all he ever wants is practical things like planners. You wouldn’t need help with that. Hm… Is it Seokjin?”

He rambles on about different kitchenware that could make a good present for Jin, a ramble that would have been really helpful if only Jin were actually your secret santee.

Taehyung gasps and falls silent, shocking you into finally looking up from your phone. His already round eyes are even rounder, wide as they are in shock. A hand hovers over his mouth as he goes still.

Then, as suddenly as he had gasped, he relaxes into a laugh.

“For a moment, I thought your secret santee was me,” he says, chuckling. A jolt runs through you, and your breath hitches in a way that you pray is unnoticeable. “But you’re too shitty a liar to do that.”

“Hey!” You jab his side playfully and he yelps. “What do you mean? I’m a great liar.”

“That’s a blatant and unconvincing lie right there.”

You fold your arms and turn away.

“I know you’re not actually mad, ____,” comes his sing-song voice, crossing his arms behind his head and reclining into the couch.

Letting out another huff, you turn further away. So when he grabs your hands and pulls you to face him, it startles you a little.

His eyes search yours, and you can’t help yourself from stumbling into their depths. The seriousness in his gaze holds yours intently.

But just as you think he’s about to apologize, his eyes melt into little crescent moons as he grins. “So. Who’s your secret santee?”

His cry comes out muffled under the cushion you hit him with.

An exasperated groan leaves you the moment you close the front door. Tipping your head back to rest against the solid wood, you shut your eyes. You hear footsteps pad closer.

“I take it your plan didn’t succeed?” Irene says, leaning against the wall as she takes in your defeated stance.

“Nope,” you say, picking yourself back up and hanging up your scarf and coat. Your roommate’s still in the same fuzzy pyjamas she was in when you’d left for Tae’s earlier in the day, and honestly, she’s got the right idea. You’re ready to get back into jammies too.

A Lifetime movie plays in the background, and you’d be willing to bet your life’s savings -- not that there’s much when you’re but a struggling student -- that she’s got a mug of hot chocolate to accompany her.

“Another Christmas movie?” you scoff in mock disgust. “How are you not sick of them yet?”

“What else are we supposed to do during a quarantined Christmas?”

“Don’t kid yourself. You’d be doing this even without the quarantine.”

“Hey. If you detest it so much, I heard that Taehyung’s place has many vacant rooms right now.”

You roll your eyes. She got that information from you. Both his roommates were gone from the apartment for the time being, one went back home for the holidays and another had chosen to attend the entire semester from home since everything was online anyway, leaving Taehyung with the luxury of the entire apartment to himself.

Meanwhile, Irene was making full use of the ongoing situation to evade going back home for the holidays. Too much family drama to allow her to binge-watch her holiday flicks in peace, she’d said.

And you? It’s kinda awful, but you’ve chosen to remain in your apartment just slightly off-campus so that you could get a head start on your research for your thesis, the campus library’s offerings much more vast than the local neighborhood library of your small town hometown.

Upon hearing this, Taehyung had offered to stay to keep you company over the holidays. “We’ve spent every Christmas together ever since we were kids, Christmas would just feel too weird without you,” he’d said. “And then we can join the gang’s Zoom Christmas celebration together too! I heard that’s what Namjoon and Jin will be doing since they’re both in the city over Christmas.”

How you’d managed to keep yourself from melting into a puddle of goo at his casual selflessness was a real feat. Taehyung had always been close to his family, and often missed them intensely while you guys were miles apart from home each college semester. So for him to give up a trip back home so you could still have a piece of home with you over Christmas was not a small sacrifice.

“Hellooo?” Irene waves a hand in your face. You jump, jolted out of your thoughts. “Are you actually daydreaming about it? Ooh, staying over at your crush’s place with no one else around… saucy things could happen, ____.”

Although that wasn’t what you were thinking about, you still feel the heat rise to your cheeks at being caught daydreaming about Taehyung. Instead, you give a feeble excuse to get Irene off your back, “I’m just thinking about secret santa gifts again. Ugh, why’d I have to draw him of all people?!”

“Are you sure you aren’t overthinking this because of your feelings? How difficult is it to think of a gift for a guy you’ve been friends with since you were kids? What about his interests?”

“That’s real tough. His hobbies are so whimsical and oftentimes just impulsive. Remember the phase with the film camera? And then the short-lived violin phase? And the piano phase? The only outcome of that phase is him playing the Chopstick Waltz every single time we pass by a piano.”

“Well, what about something that’s been a constant in his life then through all the phases?”

You purse your lips in thought, weighing the thought. It’s not a bad suggestion, but what has been a constant for him all this time?

Coming up with naught, you sigh and turn to head to your room. “I’ll think about it while I get changed back into my jammies.”

When you described Taehyung’s ideas and interests as being whimsical and oftentimes impulsive, this is exactly what you meant.

“Tae, I don’t think it’s gonna fit. Why’d you get such a big one?”

“You just have to believe, ____. We just need faith, trust, and- well actually, maybe just faith and a really good, hard thrust.”

“I feel like there’s so many that’s what she said jokes to be made here.”

“Wasting your energy on that line of thinking is the reason why we haven’t gotten this christmas tree through the door yet.”

With one more solid push, the widest part of the tree finally makes it through the narrow doorway of Taehyung’s apartment, and the two of you go stumbling forward with the extra momentum.

“We did it!” he exclaims, wrapping you up in a hug. “You believed!”

Internally cursing yourself for the way your heart has the audacity to stutter at his touch. The hug is nothing- the warmth that seeps from his body to yours is familiar because hugs are nothing special in your friendship. Even in your grade school memories, Taehyung had always been a tactile person, giving out hugs generously and demanding them in return by simply throwing himself at people to be received in an embrace, coerced or not. As you and your peers grew older, Taehyung became more aware and withheld himself from his sudden hug attacks, especially towards the other girls. But not you. He felt no need to skirt around things with you, and you found a quiet hum of satisfaction in knowing that Taehyung could be his tactile self with you. Hugs were just an expression of your friendship. Nothing more.

That is, until you wanted them to be more.

You shake the thought away. You’ve dealt with this successfully for more than a year now and you can continue on.

Taehyung loosens his hold but keeps his arms around you, leaning back to look at you. The soft puffs in his cheeks and the light creases around his eyes as they bunch up in happiness are just some of the little things you adore about him. The contentment practically radiates off of him. It’s just like him to get this excited over a christmas tree.

“Shall we get to setting it up?” you ask and he nods, releasing you completely then to get to work.

After the two of you find the perfect spot, situating the tree in the corner of the living room by the windows and in reach of a power socket, you grab the bag of decorations.

The oddly small and light bag of decorations.

“Tae?” you ask, pulling out the single box of baubles. “Is this all you got?”

Grinning sheepishly, he nods. “I didn’t have much left for decorations after I chose the tree.”

“Why’d you choose such a big tree then?”

“What’s the point of getting a tiny tree? It’s only nice and festive if it’s large!” he exclaims.

“Well, what’s the point of getting a big tree that will be bare except for six baubles, Tae?!”

“I was thinking we could improvise the decorations.”

You quirk an eyebrow. “Improvise?”

“Yeah, like- wait,” he says, running to his bedroom. His voice floats over from the narrow corridor, “just hang on!”

After a little rustling and rummaging, Taehyung emerges with two shoeboxes and a few scarves thrown over his shoulders. Grabbing one of the shoeboxes from him, you open it to reveal a bunch of keychains. Souvenirs from his friends’ travels and some of his own too. In there, you recognize an eiffel tower keychain you gifted him after your family’s holiday to France.

“Here, look!” He grabs a few and begins hanging them on the tree. “Decorations!”

You laugh. It’s a classic Taehyung move, and honestly it doesn’t look half bad. Picking a few keychains of your own from the box, you join him in placing them around the tree.

“What are you going to do about the tree topper?” you ask.

He smirks. “I’ve already got that all figured out.” Unboxing the second shoebox to reveal his collection of polaroid photos, he rifles around till he finds the photo he wants. Brandishing the polaroid of Yeontan, he grins. “Both an angel and a star. Perfect.”

You can't argue with that logic, and you say as much before vacating the step stool so he can clip the polaroid to the top of the tree with a wooden peg. Eyeing the pile of scarves on the couch, you ask, “What about the scarves?”

“Scarves? You mean ribbons?” he says, and begins draping them across the tree. You giggle and reach for one. The soft material is plush, caressing your skin as you run your fingers over the material. It's much nicer than the other scarves, you notice, and way too nice to be stuck on a christmas tree.

“Hey,” you say, “isn’t this cashmere? Are you sure you want such a nice sweater on your tree?”

Taehyung shrugs. “It was a gift from my ex. It’s not like I’m going to wear it anymore.”

His ex. The words hit you like a punch to your gut.

Taehyung's ex, Samantha, was a pleasant person to be around, easygoing and bubbly with a sunny personality that matched him well. At least, from what you could tell based off the first two months of their relationship that you got to witness firsthand. You're not quite sure who exactly initiated the distance -- whether it was from your own courtesy that you gave them space, or whether Samantha had, directly or indirectly, requested for it -- the memories were all too foggy by now.

What you do remember is that one moment they were happy together, and the next they were broken up, the relationship lasting just a little over six months. Taehyung never spoke much about it and when you did probe, he would brush it off with scant excuses that they just figured they weren't compatible after all.

That had been some time in the spring. Briefly, you wonder how many wears the scarf had gotten, and how much sentimental value it held. The quality of the material hinted towards a relationship that had been going strong.

Yet, you muse over it as you drape the luxurious material over the prickly christmas tree, Taehyung brushed it off with such brashness that spoke otherwise.

“Hey,” Taehyung breaks the silence that has fallen between you, clearing his throat in a self-conscious manner as if he’s feeling guilty over the awkward turn that the conversation had taken. You look at him, half-hidden behind the tree pines, his eyes pensive. Maybe he’ll finally open up about the relationship -- it’s been eight months after all. But then he flashes his usual elfin grin. “Any luck with your secret santee gift yet?”

You groan, partly because no, you’re still clueless and stuck on what to get him, and partly because he’s once again evaded the topic of his ex.

The incessant buzzing of your phone gets ignored, vibrating almost violently in its spot on the tinyass coffee table next to your feet which you’ve kicked up ever so demurely. The consecutive, rapid-fire notifications can only be from an overly enthusiastic Taehyung.

Irene nudges foot with her own socked one. “Aren’t you gonna check your phone? I can pause the movie if you want.”

“Nah, I’ve watched Home Alone enough times to not care about missing anything. And it’s probably just Tae being all excited about secret santa gift suggestions.”

“Ooh, how’s that going? Finally got him to spill what he might want?”

An exasperated sigh escapes you. “No, he’s sending me individualized suggestions for everyone that are so well thought out and personalized that I can’t get them for anyone else.”

Grabbing your still-buzzing phone, you flick through your texts. Just as you’d predicted, Tae’s sent you a bunch of Christmas socks he found on Amazon that he thinks would make a good addition to Jin’s collection of festive socks, a set of really nice paints that would pair well with Yoongi’s newfound interest in painting, and an anthology of time-travel short stories that he thinks would fascinate Namjoon.

“Hm, d’you think he’s called your bluff? Intentionally sending you suggestions that wouldn’t be helpful?”

You shake your head, frowning. “Tae’s not like that. Honestly, it was just a bad move on my part, hoping that he would give some generic gift suggestion that would let slip what he really wants. Tae is too thoughtful to get people generic gifts. He puts his heart and soul into the presents he buys for others.”

Reaching over, Irene pinches your cheek lightly as she coos at you, “Awww, you’re so in love with him. I can feel the cavities forming.”

“Pretty sure those are from the hot chocolate with extra marshmallows you love so much,” you say, tipping your chin in a gesture to the mug in her hands.

Irene sticks her tongue out and takes an extra large sip in typical defiance.

As much as you mock Irene for her love for Lifetime holiday movies and hot chocolate, you do have to admit that there’s a certain appeal to it. Curled up on the lumpy couch in Taehyung’s apartment, cupping the hot beverage in your hands, even the uneven lumpiness of the cheap piece of furniture begins to feel comfortable.

The entire room is dark, save for the glow of the television. Taehyung has always insisted that this is the best way to watch movies. Maybe it’s a good thing your makeshift decorations on the christmas tree -- still standing proudly in the corner of the room -- didn’t include christmas lights after all.

Outside, the snowfall has gotten pretty intense, the temperature dipping significantly compared to the previous few days. It is well and truly winter, the cold showing no mercy to anyone who wasn’t prepared for it. You’re thankful to be inside and with a nice hot drink.

But as the film runs on, you get so engrossed in the plot that you don’t even realize you’ve finished your drink till you drain the last of it. Oh.

Looking over at Taehyung, you could always request for more and you know he’d be more than happy to make you another cup. But the movie is at its climax and the way his eyes are glued to the screen, his mouth slightly agape with how invested he is in the film, you can’t bring yourself to interrupt him now. So you try to ignore the way the cold begins nipping at your fingertips.

Soon enough though, the once warm mug that was a pleasant source of heat became stiff cold ceramic between your equally stiff fingers. Scrunching your toes, you wish you’d thought to bring an extra pair of socks over, especially when you think about the pair of socks you’d stuffed into your boots, soggy and cold with melted ice. A shiver runs through you at the thought.

“Are you cold?” Taehyung asks, and you jump. You didn’t realize he’d noticed.

“Yeah, a little.”

He pouts. “Why didn’t you say something sooner? C’mere,” he says, and lifts the edge of his blanket, revealing his plaid pants and sweatshirt combination.

Crawling in quickly, you tell yourself that you’re only complying because you know he’ll put up a fight if you don’t, and you don’t want the cold air getting into the cocoon of warmth he’s created with his blanket. Not because you’re excited to snuggle up with Tae. Definitely not. But now that you’re here, you may as well make the most of it, you figure.

Taehyung yelps as you press your icy toes to his warm thigh. Your arms wind their way around him, desperately seeking out the warmth of his body heat. Nuzzling lightly into the crook of his neck, you sigh, finally getting some relief from the cold.

The tiniest of groans escapes him. Then, a tight gasp. Stiffening, you peer up at Taehyung carefully.

He’s turned to look at you too, his attention that was once rapt by the movie now focused directly on you with equal intensity. Nervous energy accumulates within you and your heart rate skyrockets, now keenly aware of every hard plane of his body against yours. The logical part of you regrets the way you launched yourself at him and gave no regards for personal space. But you’re only dimly aware of that. The part of you that just wants Taehyung, the part that you’ve kept under lock and key, now fights against the restraints you’ve tied yourself into, unravelling you. You gnaw at your lip unsurely, and you watch as Taehyung’s gaze drops to your lips, heavy-lidded as they linger there, then darting back up to meet yours head-on.

The hand that he has on your hip grips you a little tighter, and you clutch the front of his sweatshirt in response. Your heart is pounding now, and the headiness of it all makes you feel swirly. Is he leaning clo-

Slam!

Both of you jump. The noise from the film startles you both, and you accidentally head butt Taehyung’s chin in the midst of it. He yelps in pain.

“I’m so sorry!” You frantically rub the spot to soothe it. “Are you ok?”

He laughs it off in his usual carefree manner. “Yeah, I’m good.”

“You sure? It doesn’t hurt?”

“It’ll be fine in a bit,” he says, pulling you into his chest, his warmth emanating from his chest to your back in a comforting manner. “Let’s continue watching the movie.”

With his arms wound around you, you wonder if he can feel the way your heartbeat continues to beat erratically. If he does, he says nothing about it. And underneath you, you can feel clearly how his heartbeat matches yours in its stuttering pace. But you say nothing about it. Not for the duration of the movie, not when it ends, not when you stand to leave, and not when he wishes you goodnight at the door.

The next day, you wake up with thoughts of yesterday sending your mind into a spiralling whirlpool. You decide it’s time to make an emergency call.

Also, it’s five days to Christmas and you still haven’t thought of a suitable gift for Taehyung.

“Hello?” comes a chirpy voice over the line.

“Jiminie!”

“____! What’s up?”

“Listen, I need your help. It’s about the secret santa thing.”

“What about it?”

“I need a suggestion for a gift for your best friend.”

Jimin chuckles. “Isn’t he also your best friend?”

“Well, yes, but…”

You take him through your original plan to covertly ask Taehyung what he would like by asking what would make a good gift, and how it got completely derailed, to which Jimin just laughed. And then your discussion with Irene on finding something that has been a constant in his life. Since you’re on the phone with Jimin, you take the chance to rant about your annoyance with yourself at not foreseeing Taehyung’s thoughtfulness and the personalized gift suggestions that he’s been giving you.

“____,” Jimin interrupts you mid-rant. “The answer is right in front of you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe your plan didn’t really fail. If Tae is suggesting personalized gifts, then…” he trails off meaningfully.

You gasp. “Oh. You’re absolutely right, Jimin, you genius!”

“This was your own plan, ____.” He chuckles. “Now as for what has been constant in his life… Do you really not realize?”

Oh.

“Jimin, you’re a genius, y’know that?”

“So I’ve been telling everyone.”

“Ok, I gotta go now,” you say, excitement zipping through you as your mind fills abuzz with different ideas now that Jimin has set you on the path.

“Seeya on the 25th, you dork.”

“See you!”

Belatedly, you realize you missed out on telling Jimin about what had happened the day prior. But you shrug it off, figuring that you could tell him about it another time.

---

But as it turns out, you don’t. The hectic rush of preparations for Christmas keep you and your friends so busy, you’re thankful everyone’s blocked out Christmas night for each other or you’d just miss each other completely otherwise.

Days on from the eventful movie night you had with Taehyung, the distance has already caused the memories of the night to go slightly fuzzy. You wonder if it had really even happened, or if you were just overthinking everything as per usual.

And since Taehyung never brought it up, your friendship carrying on in the easy status quo, it was simple enough to chalk it up to your own imagination.

The rush towards Christmas keeps itself up even till Christmas day itself. You’re huffing a little as you squeeze yourself and your grocery bags through the doorway of Taehyung’s apartment. The lopsided feeling of your beanie sitting askew on your head is just one part of your disheveled state right now.

“Tae!” You set the bags down and replace the spare key in its hiding place. “I’m here!”

He comes bursting out of his room and running over to help you with the bags. “Is it time to bake?” His tone is bright and shimmering with anticipation. Baking Christmas cookies with each other’s families was a tradition the two of you grew up with, and a tradition you both intended to keep even while away from your hometown.

Pulling the cookie cutters out of the bag, you wave them with a grin. “Shall we? We still have to prepare dinner after this and make sure we log onto Zoom on time too.”

The afternoon is filled with a flurry of flour and butter and sugar, cookie cutters and oven mitts, and a whole lot of messy icing. You pipe out a beautiful blue and white star, if you do say so yourself, taking pride in the baking skills you’ve honed over the past twenty years. Meanwhile, Taehyung scribbles Yeontan on a star-shaped cookie of his own. He adds this to his collection of alien cookies and rabbits on the moon.

When you’re both done decorating and the icing is left to set, you get to work on dinner. It’s a simple affair, just some mashed potatoes that you set Taehyung to work on, some lightly roasted veggies, and a rotisserie chicken from the supermarket in place of the usual Christmas turkey your families would normally have.

Grabbing plates to serve up your dinner, you can hear the chorus of hellos from the living room as Taehyung sets up his laptop to join the Zoom call. It fills you with a warmth you didn’t know you were missing, the cacophony of noise from your friends still as familiar as it always is even though it’s filtered through the speakers on the laptop. If anything, it may even be more chaotic than ever, with everyone speaking over each other, the social cues becoming even harder to read over the virtual platform.

When you finally enter the room with your two plates, the noise only gets louder, everyone shouting to greet you. You say a quick hi and slip back into the kitchen to get the tray of cookies to show off to the rest over the webcam.

You take your place next to Taehyung, seating yourself next to him in a similar cross-legged position, your knees knocking together as you both squeeze to get into frame together. Memories of the movie night come back to you, but Taehyung seems unfazed. Feigning calmness, you try to focus on the ongoing exchange instead.

The conversation drives itself, years of friendship and months spent apart from each other fuelling the chatter. With small talk on how Christmas day was for everyone, quick catch-ups on how everyone’s doing, inside jokes and references to shared experiences of the past, the atmosphere feels just like that one year you all went on a camping trip together and sat around the bonfire on the final night, swapping stories and jokes in a breezy fashion.

Just as the conversation slips into an easy placidity, Hoseok suggests you all move on to the secret santa bit of the night.

That’s when you gasp. Amidst the manic pace of the day and its activities, you’d forgotten to retrieve your present from where you’d stowed it in your apartment. In the same way that you treated Taehyung’s apartment like your own, so was your apartment to him. Taehyung could walk into your apartment any moment, whether you were present or not, and you needed to find a good secret place for your present. Stashing your prepared present in an unused cupboard in the kitchen, you remember commending yourself for having found such a great hiding spot. Turns out, it was so excellently hidden that even you had forgotten about it till this very moment.

But your internal struggle and the guilt that plagued you went unbeknownst to the rest, each taking turns to open their presents. A whole range of reactions and sound effects went on, Hoseok thanking Taehyung for his gifted sunglasses with such sincerity that transcended the boundaries of the webcam and screen. Yoongi had bought Jin a new fishing reel, and the boys were in the midst of discussing their next fishing trip.

But it was Namjoon’s reaction and the chaos that ensued that truly had you relaxing a little from your anxious-frustrated-guilty state.

“Snacks? And wet wipes?” Namjoon’s expression is incredulous as he pulls the items out of the brown paper bag. “Who’s giving me all these freebies?!”

“FREEBIES?!” Next to Namjoon, Jin smacks the table, causing him to jump. “I’ll have you know that those snacks were selected after careful observation, and I even went so far as to scout out for the specific brand you like and some even required shipping from elsewhere because the grocery stores near us didn’t stock it, and I got you wet wipes because you’re always spilling things, or maybe you could use them after you’re done snacking while on the go, but you still have the AUDACITY to call it FREEBIES?!”

At the sight of Jin gone red in the face, the snickers that the rest of you had been holding in came bursting out.

“Ok, I think we’re the last two to open our gifts,” Taehyung says, reading the room and moving on quickly before Jin could get even more agitated. “____, this is yours from your secret santa.”

Ripping open the wrapping paper swiftly, you find a brown leather-bound journal with your initials embossed on them in gold.

“Oh! This is beautiful,” you gush. “And since we’re the last two, this must be from Jimin!”

Even through the screen, the sight of your friend’s smile, eyes all scrunched up with the sincerity of it, has your heart swelling.

“And that means… that I’m your secret santee!” Taehyung gasps. “No way. And this whole time I was calling you a bad liar.”

He rambles on, explaining to the rest about your sly method of attempting to discreetly ask him what he might like for Christmas. The whole time, you’re chewing on your lip, trying to find the right moment to interject and explain what’s happened.

“Ok! So,” Taehyung finally pauses, looking at you expectantly, “I’m ready for my present!” His hands are cupped and ready to receive the present… that will not make it to him tonight.

You place your hands in his, lowering them gently and taking in his obvious confusion. “I’m so sorry, Tae, I left your present back at home. I promise I’ll bring it over tomorrow! Or you can come over after this to grab it if you want.”

“Oh,” he says, puppy dog pout hitting you full-force with guilt. “But I still want a gift now, so…”

Grasping your hands that are still in his, he tugs you forward into his chest, and plants a soft kiss on your lips.

Silence. Both from your brain, and from everyone around.

It lasts for two seconds -- your group of friends has never found it easy to shut up after all -- and then it’s an eruption, pulling you back to the reality that the two of you are not alone.

You can hear Jungkook screaming, “GROSS!” and Namjoon yelling in confusion. But Jimin’s tinkling laughter, filled with unmistakable joy, cuts through the noise along with a raspily muttered, “It’s about fucking time.” from Yoongi.

In the background, you hear Jungkook asking, “Waaaait, so does this mean that Seokjin has to give Namjoon a kiss now too?” and Jin’s immediate, “NO!”

The noise jump starts your brain back into motion. You attempt to pull away from Taehyung, highly aware that your friends are subject to witnessing all of this, but he tugs you back, anchoring you to him with an arm wrapped firmly around your waist. The laughter from the laptop speakers turns into cries of outrage and then an abrupt return to silence with a click, and you realize that Taehyung must have closed his laptop, ending the Zoom call.

Looping your arms around Taehyung’s shoulders, you begin to respond to his kiss, eyelids fluttering closed. It’s new, it’s electrifying. But it’s also like something deep inside has finally clicked, like you’ve finally arrived. You’re home.

“Did you know?” you ask. “About me having feelings for you?”

“Yeah,” Taehyung admits. Heat rises to your cheeks at that, and you hide your face in his chest. Now that you don’t have to be seated on the floor to be in frame for the Zoom call, the two of you opted to move to the lumpy but still much more comfortable couch.

The gentle strokes of his hand in your hair is familiar and comforting, reminding you of the infinite patience he’s always shown to you. It’s a reminder that this is Taehyung. The boy you grew up with through thick and thin. Your best friend. And that gives you the boldness to continue despite your embarrassment.

“How? And when?”

“Honestly,” he trails off slightly, in thought, “I think it was Samantha who made me realize it.”

A pang of jealousy hits you. But you’re immediately wondering if it’s even warranted, now that you guys are… Well, what exactly are you? You make a mental note to clarify that.

“She was jealous, y’know,” he continues. “Didn’t want to say it at first, and tried to put up with it because she understood that our friendship is not something she could just expect me to give up.

“But it got to a point where things just couldn’t go on any longer. What she initially saw as discomfort that she would learn to overcome with time, soon became an awareness that the two of us were crossing the line of just friends, even if we hadn’t realized it at the time.”

Taehyung sighs, causing you to look at him. He smiles down at you, and skims your cheek with his thumb affectionately. “Maybe it’s because you’ve been here by my side all my life, that it was such a gradual thing and neither of us really realized it.”

“Yeah,” you mumble. “It was only after you began dating her that I realized how not okay with that I was. I thought it was just me being the possessive best friend trying to get used to having to share you. But then I realized I didn’t just want my best friend back. I wanted what she had.”

Swallowing hard, you remember the bitterness of the jealousy you felt back then, and that still recurs from time to time.

“What about you then? How did you come to recognize your feelings?” you ask.

“Samantha made me face up to them.” There’s a faraway look in his eyes. “One day she laid it all out, about us being more than just friends. And when I denied it, she asked me, would I choose you over her if I were forced into making that decision. The answer very nearly rolled straight off my tongue. And that was when I knew.”

“Is that why you broke up?” you ask. Taehyung nods. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, you silly girl.” He boops you on the nose. “I’m just thankful that Samantha was as understanding as she was about it. I think that’s why it took me a long time to get over it -- knowing that I’d hurt someone as wonderful as she is with my own blind ignorance.”

“And you too,” he says, leaning down to lay a soft peck on your lips. “I hated knowing that I’d hurt you because of my lack of awareness of my own feelings. That’s why I had to take my time this time around, to make sure that I know for sure.”

“Do you know for sure now?”

“Yes,” he says, holding your gaze with seriousness that has you swimming in its depths. “I’m yours now. Purely and fully.”

When you returned to your apartment the next morning, Irene was waiting to grill you on your whereabouts. It didn’t escape her notice that you hadn’t come back to the apartment the previous night, and she joked about how the vacant rooms in Taehyung’s apartment probably didn’t matter because you could always spend the night sharing his bed anyway.

And when you, blushing madly but holding your own nonetheless, informed her that she was right, well, you should have anticipated her squeals of excitement. “Tell me everything!” she had demanded.

You also should have anticipated the endless teasing that she would put the two of you through, especially in the Christmas season. After a trip out to the stores, finally taking a break from her Lifetime holiday movies marathon, she’d returned with copious amounts of mistletoe to hang all around the apartment, insisting the two of you make up for lost time.

But what Irene doesn’t need to know is just how much the two of you agree with her. Stealing a tiny sprig of mistletoe from around the house -- there’s so much that she wouldn’t even notice anyway -- you pack it into one of the clear baubles you’d bought for Taehyung’s Christmas present, nestling it into the box alongside the other clear baubles that were customized with pictures of the two of you.

[mikaze-discord]

Quartet Night: Love letters

Annnnnd these are the love letters written for Quartet Night!!!

Please enjoy under the cut~

REIJI KOTOBUKI

From Anon:

I've always been drawn to characters with complex (and fairly dark) personalities, so liking Rei-chan was honestly inevitable for me.

He looks like a very bright and cheerful character at first, which he is, but sometimes that part of him is a little misleading because, in actuality, he's a character that holds a lot of negative feelings about himself due to a past that he can't seem to move on from. He holds a lot of those feelings to himself because he doesn't want to burden anyone else with them. He's a reliable, cunning, and ultimately selfless character that chooses to shoulder a lot on his own out of his infinite care for others, and perhaps a secret sense of atonement, all hidden behind his bright demeanor and goofy smile, and it's endlessly interesting to me.

Besides the duality of his personality, he has a lot of other endearing quirks to love about him. He loves his mom a lot and is a mama's boy. His old-man jargon and catchphrases never fail to amuse (I still can't get over the way he says "my girl"). His obsession with anything even remotely British is something my APH England phase can relate to. His style of music brings a lot of pleasant feelings of nostalgia for me, and his pretty voice suits them a lot. And most of all he's just a very good boy overall. I rate 99999 out of 10 would love and support him and also maybe pay for his therapy because god knows he needs it. Happy anniversary!!

From another anon: 

Would you like to hear a story? You do? Very well then, may this story be one you enjoy.

What do I like about Reiji kotobuki? A Lot of things actually!

Well, I've always really liked Reiji as a character as he seemed to be one of the more interesting characters to me, due to how complex he is with his backstory and general just personality.

I have always really enjoyed how Reiji just solves problems too? Like he is just such an outgoing person who deserves all the support!!!

Like the best word I can use for Reiji is just, unique. Everything about him is just so Reiji. From the way he talks, to his nicknames or even his texting style. Like have you seen how many people use emoticons when texting as Reiji? It's just so him.

I like his way of thinking too! I feel like some of the interactions in the games are just so interesting, just seeing Reiji’s point of view. How he deals with a sort of survivor’s guilt and all of that.

Personally, some of my most memorable roleplaying moments were watching a Reiji rper in action, like just seeing them interact and flow so seamlessly with the other characters was just so fascinating to wee baby rper me. Such a large part of playing Reiji is just how you flow with the people around you and comedic timing. I have so many funny moments where Reiji was just interacting with people and it was just so inspirational (?) like I couldn't stop the smile on my face. I had learnt alot from them. I still consider them my roleplaying senpai almost! I don't talk to them anymore but I really had an amazing time just seeing their spin on the character.

I don't find him to be a romantic partner towards me nor do I see any of the characters in that light, but I've always found Reiji as such a personal character. Not even just towards me, like even with other utapri stans. The most relatable character always seems to be Reiji.

I've always been pretty similar in many aspects to him and I often find myself relating to him in numerous ways like his vibe is just relatable! I have often found myself trying to make other people laugh and have fun that many times I'm spreading myself thin and feel unappreciated...Reiji really helped with that.

This is where i start getting into the really personal stuff LOL feel free to skip if you dont wanna hear the angsty backstory.

I had really come to love Reiji when I had just...hit a low. I had a group of friends who I enjoyed hanging out with and just talking to, but they weren't very good friends per say. I often had to schedule every activity we did and I spent days and nights trying to think of concepts that might be fun. They took it for granted.. I had spent 4 months trying to make a game for them, and they had constantly pushed back times that we would play it. Using excuses to not play it, without telling me out right what they did not like or even why. The site I used was later taken down without notice and thus I had lost all my progress. Later, they had mentioned how they would like to play it except that later ended up being two years later. I really wish I could've solved things with that friend group like Quartet Night did but that didn't happen. That is when I started seeing things Reiji’s way? Not to say that it was the same or similar scenario to Reiji but I had just associated it with him.

RANMARU KUROSAKI

From Anon:

Ran is such a fun character! He sounds like a "rough outside, soft inside" kind of character, but his roughness is more like an integral part of him and it's through it that he shows he cares rather than setting it aside. That's what made me want to rp him. I also like how he is such a strong guy who's always determined to do his best in everything he does despite so much having gone wrong in his past. And it's very satisfying to see him form bonds and start to trust people.

From @mikaze-san:

Originally, my favourite Utapri boy was Ai, and it had been the robot boy for several years upon entering the fandom. In fact, it only switched to Ranmaru sometime late last year but regardless, I would still die for this man. Part of the reason why I switched is because I’ve always been a fan of Suzuki Tatsuhisa and I have a huge bias towards any man who wears nail polish without fearing being “feminine” because fuck gender roles.

As someone who studies fashion, I think Ranmaru is very coordinated and confident when it comes to portraying himself that way. He knows he’s not very good at expressing his emotions and utilises his passion for rock and playing the bass to portray those feelings through his songs. It’s also incredibly inspiring to know that he bounces back from pretty much anything considering his backstory and the stuff he deals with in the game/anime.

But my main reason for loving Ranmaru so much stems from the fact that I admire him a lot and want to be more like him. For a long time last year, I got to roleplay as Ranmaru in a few Utapri groups and through those experiences, I gained a better understanding and appreciation of the characters that I wrote for. In some weird way, by highlighting his flaws, character progression and how he dealt with different emotions, I ended up providing insight into how I dealt with similar issues by looking at them from a 3rd person perspective.

I used to be very shy and was very shut off from friends and family, and due to this I’ve always admired people in my life or fictional characters that are so confident in being who they are. Ranmaru particularly struck that chord in me because his bluntness knows no end. He’s very opinionated and doesn’t fear confrontation, in most cases being the one to provoke it. He speaks his mind openly without being overly anxious of the consequences. This is something that I feel is especially relevant today with being your authentic/unapologetic self is such a trend.

It’s something I’ve also noticed with having met people in or outside of this fandom, the notion of idolising a fictional character containing traits that we want to see in ourselves. Which made me think about a lot of my favourite kinds of characters which at the end of the day all boil down to sharing one similar trait: Being a bitch.

And in Utapri, Ranmaru embodies that. So naturally it’s very easy for me to idolise him.

(Tldr: I like his bitchy attitude.)

AI MIKAZE 

From Arashi:

It's hard to put into words why I love Ai Mikaze, perhaps it's because I'm subconsciously drawn to him, maybe it's because his hair and eyes are my favorite color, maybe it's because his voice is that of an angels, there are many reasons why I love him. I couldn't tell you a definite, "These one or two reasons are the entire reason I love him", but I'll try to sum it up.

I grew to love him by admiring his personality, his smile, his determination to reach his goals, everything about him made me happy. He's strict and a little scary at times, but when he sees people caring for him, he becomes happy and in a way, sentimental. He's not sure how to explain the way he feels, but he tries. I think I admire how he holds all the little things precious to his heart as he learns about them, and he wants to understand how to care for others and how they care for them in return. Even after six years, he still remains the most dear to me. I think that he now has a sentimental value to me, because even if I 'loved' another character more for a while, I will always come back to Ai. Ai deserves the world, and I'd give it to him if I could. He'll always be special to me, and I think that he very much deserves that.

From Maronda: 

My love for Ai started after I found Shining Live by chance and started to play. At first I wasn't particularly attached to any of the characters and decided to go back and watch the anime to maybe remember some context other than who Starish was. When I got to the episode focused on Ai and his "secret" I was absolutely thrown off by it all. I ended up feeling like I had so many questions and I knew that the anime would give me little to no answers, so I frequently turned to rambling on the internet about it. Eventually, this fixation on weird things about him seemed to turn into a clear fondness for him, and friends made me realize just how much I liked him. Knowing the cold and often strange aspects of his personality was due to something out of his control was something I resonated with as someone on the autism spectrum. He reminded me of some of the ways I used to think and behave.

I also began to notice other things I loved about him. Things like how soothing I found his voice, the pleasant shade of light blue in his hair and eyes, how ridiculously pretty he is... but the best things are the endearing parts of his personality. Though he's somewhat harsh, he's still entirely genuine. His curiosity is absolutely precious and his occasional awkwardness in expressing emotion or understanding the emotions of others made me empathize with him. And if you look at the Ai in Shining Live and compare it to the Ai in the anime and games... he really has changed a lot and grown as a person. He now seems so much gentler and understanding, and he clearly values the friendships he has now too! I think he's a wonderful character and ever since friends of mine encouraged me to selfship I've essentially been in love with him, but it also makes me happy to see other people appreciate him for other reasons as well. He's just so lovable!

CAMUS

From @uta-no-fakku-sama:

At the very beginning of my UtaPri interest, Camus never really caught my attention. That is until he became my first My Only Prince UR. I’ve come to appreciate him a lot more ever since, and now he’s become my favorite QUARTET NIGHT member! Along the way, I learned more about him and realized he’s one of the more complicated characters to understand. Nonetheless, I absolutely adore him. I tend to tease and make fun of him a lot, but deep down I truly do like him a whole bunch!

From @/waddamaloooon on twt: 

A little Camus appreciation post

(alternatively known as; how this guy managed to harshly take my heart and step on it like the gumin I am.)

Hello, this is Suikamaru, here to share a tiny story of why I, and eventually you, love Camus Rondo Cryzard.

At first glance, his looks appealed to me, but not his behavior (and ironically enough, his voice) so I didn't bat an eye on him. I've always been on a neutral leaning to dislike opinion on Camus, which is quite understandable because have you SEEN the way he acts. Unfathomable.

…..To a Young Suikamaru, that is.

I've grown, so naturally I've changed preferences regarding characters, ikemen, and who to stan and who to avoid like the plague. I will lie if I said that I expected to like that blonde confectionery devouring machine at any point of my life.

But it did happen so who are we fooling here.

It dawned on me that Camus is the type of character that you cannot appreciate unless you go in depth into his lore, backstory, and see him for who he really is. Because then everything else will make sense. And that never happened in my case until I started roleplaying as him.

I realized that he's not just a two faced, sweet toothed mean man. He's a perfectionist, someone who's always been raised since his childhood days to be nothing less than complete, who has locked on his heart and emotions to devote himself completely to the purpose given to him. He has the looks and brains for what though? He should be a little stupid honestly.

But his intelligence gave him the complexity that he just needed for his characteristics. Because as aforementioned, he's not someone to easily like or fall in love with. And I think that's quite rare in characters, and very much appreciated due to the fact it gives the fans a chance to not actually stay on a flat level of knowledge regarding their favorite characters.

I've slowly started to see myself in some aspects of him, which was the number one factor of liking him. Then came the Maeno magic when I realized Camus shares the same VA as another character that I love as well. (Hamelin, from SinoAlice.) From then, everything went downhill.

In a good way. I think..

Well, that is all from me, please read about this handsome man and appreciate his hard work both as an individual and as an idol. There is SO much to him that's p much overlooked and I'm getting broke from spending my money on his living expenses rent free in my head. Take him off my head.